Of Skin Colour and Stepmothers .......

I feel confused .... each time that I read a story to K~ which perennially potrays Stepmothers as witchy and bitchy and the fairest skin attracting the richest and handsome Prince. I keep thinking about the long term ill effects of these stories and feel a strong urge to graduate K~ to the more sensible desi story books like Jataka Tales, Panchatantra, Adventures of Meena and many more. Alas! These simple and humble books do not take to K~'s fancy as much as their english counterparts which are better packaged with bright colours and glossy pages with attractive pictures and more often encouraged and promoted by her school teacher.

Be it the Stepmother of Snow White or Cinderella or the Hansel and Gretel duo or Beauty ...... she is never at peace with herself and inflicts atrocities on her step kids who are the central characters. In real life, my experience has been contrary where I have met two stepmoms who have proved their ability to love and accept previous kids of their husband with such natural and effortless passion and affection that if undisclosed no mortal could have ever realised the stepness. For the sake of providing an identity let me name them as Mrs. Ghosh and Mrs. Chitaley .... such lovely women. Mrs. Ghosh, a homoeopath practitioner was married in her late thirties to the then widower, Mr.Ghosh with an adorable four year old daughter Lota. She embraced Lota with an effortless ease befriending her at first and then slowly enticing her through her interesting games and culinary skills. I could hear their happy chuckles and rare disagreements from the backyard of my house every morning pleasantly surprised each time as my notions set in childhood regarding stepmoms got smashed. We were not really family friends, therefore losing contact after we shifted our residence elsewhere but every year during Durga Pujo I spotted them in Kali Bari just like any other mom-daughter duo. She would hang around with her mom more than she did with her dad. Mrs. Chitaley had a similar story too. The only difference being that she was a divorcee with a daughter of her own before she remarried Mr. Chitaley, a widower with a two year son. What a complete and happy family they make! Touchwood! She thrashes the naughty son just like her own, a complete brat that he is and spends sleepless afternoons painfully making him do his homework and teaching. And yet, the son comes running to hug his (step)Mom each time she steps out to make her (step)Son empty the glass of milk that he left behind on the dining table.

GOD could not be present everywhere ... so he made MOTHER to let each being experience HIS unconditional and boundless love through her. Each woman has been endowed with immense motherly capabilities which takes precedence over many other important personal desires like her career, her interests, her body so much so that it overpowers all her relationships and she lands up being a mother to her husband, her parents and in-laws taking care of them and feeling responsible towards their needs. Pity that we equate (step)mothers with such hostility and treachery in the young and unassuming minds right in their formitive years.

The other fact that keeps poking my mind is the glorification of the white, beautiful skin. K~ is dusky, just like me, but her sharp features and twinkling eyes make her attractive. When I read such elaborate beauty descriptions where "Snow White has skin as white as snow and lips as red as blood, Cinderella was the fairest amongst all and the Prince would not dance with any other lady" .... K~ would start wondering if she is fine in her looks. She would want to become like them and would want to be married to some handsome and rich prince in future .... What the Hell! How do I convince her that it is the inner beauty which makes any girl more adorable than her skin. And that appearing attractive is not an ambitious goal ... is it? There are better objectives in life .... career, shaping lives of family members etc. She would stare at herself at the mirror and ask "Mirror, Mirror on the wall, Who is fairest of them all?" adjusting her hair and moderating her facial expressions to look beautiful. She wants to apply Fair and Lovely, a skin whitening cream, unfortunately encouraged by some of the family members too. It is sad that stories read to children in the best of intentions can lead to such dangerous obsessions. Why should girls be potrayed as items to be displayed to kings and princes. Why are girls never shown as the ruling and strong characters? Why does Mumma Bear cook, wash and clean when Papa Bear reads and Baby Bear plays in the garden? Why does stepmother make Snow White eat a poisoned apple and Cinderella gets harassed?

There is a prevailing sense of helplessness in me as a parent because these age old stories which are highly promoted actually harms the mindset of our children ..... Each time that K~ effortlessly narrates these stories and appreciates the applause that follows, such notions and bias actually deepen further into her innocent mind.

K~ and Imagination

I read this newpaper article today morning which establishes that children do have a very real imaginary world and that actually facilitates development of various mental and logic faculties. A link of which is below:

http://www.pressdisplay.com/pressdisplay/viewer.aspx

Sure, I was relieved because K~ has always displayed extremely high indulgence in her own imaginary world, infact as early as a one year old toddler. I assume her imagination must have existed even before that but chronologically she was not physically and mentally equipped enough to express that. As a parent, I never bothered most of the times when she would be yapping non-stop into the thin air, but I must admit having eerie feelings when she refused to recognize me if I ever intruded in her world, probably to feed her or change her and would shoo me away locking the door behind her in utter disgust.

The first instances of K~ losing herself to imagination started when she was a year old. She would clutch to the telephone reciever and squeak, grunt and laugh for lack of proper speech .... which would continue for spells lasting alomost 15-20 minutes. I was amused at such behaviour especially when she would stop responding to my real conversation as if she was completely lost into the other person whom she was supposedly speaking with.

She made imaginary friends, mostly girls with whom she would be playing all her favourite games .... doll house, cooking and buying things. Later, she involved imaginary bad characters, mostly boys .... Akshat, the naughty classmate, Shopkeeper, the cheat, Sly and Gobo, the ill characters of Noddy stories ....... and she would win over them each time with the help of her girlfriends. In the best of her moods, I would enact her girlfriends and her father would be forced to enact Akshat, Shopkeeper, Sly and Gobo .... poor Papa to be screamed at, manipulated and in some cases beaten up and sent away ..... remorselessly!!! Ha!

K~ learns and performs better in her imaginary world. I remember her opening three homework copies and distributing it to her imaginary classmates whenever she sits down to do her own. She would be giggling with them and complaning to Me, of course the Bhawna Madam, her teacher about Akshat having soiled his underwear or scribbled all wrong things on her notebook. What fun she derived out of me screaming and punishing those boys! She would quickly finish her homework and whatever I would teach her with rapt attention to beat all her imaginary classmates. I would be surprised at times with her abilities to learn and comply .... it still continues even today for the benefit of her fast grasping and easy teaching style .... and of course FUN !

Enacting stories is another manifestation of her very strong imagination. She would dress up with toy crowns on her head to become Snow White or the well dressed Cinderella, tie torn towels around her waist to become the ill treated Cinderella. She becomes so involved enacting those stories that everything seems real then .... the dressing mirror turns into the magic mirror, the garden twig into a magic wand, her Bata shoes into dainty glass shoes, toy house into the magic carriage to carry her to the palace. She would herself do the bit of ugly characters too like step mothers, Wolf or Rumpelstiltskin. Dialogues would flow out effortlessly in perfect English and she would grasp for breath in between .... she would be falling short of air owing to her playing and changing into characters so quickly. There is some kind of a magic in the air ....

And when its all over .... she would come looking for me and hug around me tightly to come back to the real world, me being her anchor.

All of this has really helped K~ evolve into whatever she is today ....

K~ imagined writing, and she learnt her first alphabets with ease!

K~ imagined skating, and she balanced herself within fifteen minutes at the first go!

K~ imagined speaking, and she speaks with a distinct style of expression, very unlike her age!

K~ imagines reading her by heart story books, and she is learning reading simple words with ease!

What a powerful tool can Imagination be .....

I feel true Imagination has the power to heal, facilitate and bear results if used constructively. It is the door to success and key to all our problems.

For you K~,

I imagine you to be a very Happy person in future, following your true passion and possessing an all round developed persona. I imagine you to be a person, pristine and pure creating happy individuals through your associations and good deeds. I imagine living with you forever and ever and ever......

Amen!!