Carrot or Stick?

The other day, we met an acquaintance in a nearby Mall. The wife was relentless in forcing her kids to greet us. "Mannu, Auntie Uncle ko namastey bol nahi toh ek doongi!" It set me thinking ...

Do we really need to discipline children .... or even ourselves?

This issue crops up in my mind every now and then, especially when I see my peers achieving big successes and talk about their complying kids as a result of their efforts to discipline life. Let me confess, I am an absolute bunch of disorganised thoughts, unfinished tasks, hopelessly hyperactive and occasionally insane. Even after living almost half my life, earning that one grey strand of hair over my right ear, I have been anything but disciplined! I remember pasting Time-Table and Study Schedules all over my study table wall, being inspired by my sister who had been brilliant academically, but always failed to follow those schedules. I had become a laughing stock of my family with my inability to follow those self made time-tables, which got quoted in good humour, wherever possible. Once, I overheard Maa talking aloud to my maid, "Kesar, daal pisi rakhi hai teen dino se, jaldi se dhoop mein badi daal de, warna uska bhi kahin timpu ka time-table na ban jaaye!" (Both chuckling together at my expense!!)

Now, I could never ever manage to tame K~, being a slave of my own natural instincts. She slept, ate, learnt, played and even pooped whenever she felt like! There were countless times when everyone around me would snub me and blame me for my own miseries like waking up the entire night because K~ wanted to play, cook Aloo Parantha at 1 am in the night as K~ wanted to eat only then and just that, disrespecting Maa Saraswati when teaching K~ during potty time ..... the list could go on. But, I could never act upon their advice, however hard I tried! I found myself on the verge of Mental Breakdown, when K~ kept me awake for the first 6 months of her life .... everyday, without fail. Somehow, I could never learn to strictly make her do what I wanted, partially owing to my laziness too.

But, my inabilities made way for K~'s abilities, which I would like to share with you.

When her body system was left non-interfered, it chalked out a schedule on it's own. Strange it may sound, but K~'s poop-time is evening after having her evening snack and not morning, homework-time is right after she gets back from school even before eating lunch, which doesn't take more than 15 minutes at her age, bathing-time is 3:30 afternoon after her favourite TV programme ends and not before going to school, dinner-time is when she wants to play Snakes and Ladders which could be 7 pm or 8 pm or 9 pm, but always when she asks for food. I have realised that I save myself a lot of extra efforts to feed her, if she is self-motivated to eat. In an nutshell, her body has managed to create it's own schedule happily without that element of forced compliance.

My carelessness has forced her to be attentive and my ineptness has aroused her alertness. Just like my parent, I find her reminding me to cut my long nails, moisturise my dry feet and complete her pending Scrap Book. Probably, I kiss her and say "I Love You" a million times everyday to which she would sigh in response and say "Mumma, tumko kucch nahi aata. Bass sirf yehi yehi bolti rehti ho." The pleasure of getting coaxed by loved ones cannot be expressed in mere words!

There have been many occasions when I have lost my temper and scolded K~ in the heat of the moment .... thrashed her bottoms too .... but, my anger was never provoked by any sense to control and discipline my girl nor to make her concentrate on any task .... book .... even food and never ever to artificially inculcate hollow social values.

In winters, she hates taking a bath, which I have always respected. So, during the tough chill, I give her a bath every alternate day and not everyday, which perhaps helps her to stay away from cough and coryza in spite of getting exposed to sneezing feverish kids in school and during transport.

Well, I could never really discipline myself nor K~ .... just doused her with all my love, affection and blessings, countless times and unsought. In return, the Angels have always blessed her with happiness and learning while protecting her from illness.

I shall always believe that the language of Unconditional Love rather than Over Discipline creates happier children. It is more for the sake of our personal convenience and false egos than a child's benefit, that we push rules and regulations within our homes!!

K~'s Birth Event

Dear K~,

Today, I want to share a few details with you regarding your birth. Your presence in my life was planned with patience and I truly relished every minute of carrying you, except for the last few days when I lost Dida, right before your birth.

15th June, 2004

6:00 pm - Visit to Dr. Veena Bhatt for a routine check up. She asked me to be ready with my bags and papers because you were in position to be born any time then.

7:00 pm: At HaldiRam's complex, Lajpat Nagar with Papa treating me to all my favourite dishes, especially Chaat and Dosa.

10:00 pm: Me fast asleep, tired after a long day and checking all important papers and bag was in order.

16th June, 2004

2:00 am - The first signs of labour begin. No painful contractions yet. I wake Papa up.

2:15 am - I inform the symptoms to Dr. Bhatt with Papa going nervous leading to an upset bowel.

2:30 am - I get dressed and mentally ready for the long haul, while Papa keeps the car ready with the suitcase and papers.

2:45am - Reach Moolchand Hospital. I get admitted into the Labour Waiting Room while Papa sets the Almirah in the Patient Private Room, where I would be shifted after your birth.

3:00 am - I am administered Enema, my Blood Pressure, Pulse Rate measured. A junior doctor goes through my papers carefully to study my case.

4:00 am - I am getting impatient and nervous. No pains as of now, but the associated labour symptoms are intensifying each minute. Papa is nowhere in sight! I ask the Nurse to let him meet me.

5:00 am - I can feel my lower back throbbing, well within tolerable limits. Even then, I prefer walking around instead of lying on the bed staring at the wall .... the most depressing act possible!

Papa is fast asleep in the Patient Private Room after he was strictly refused entry into the ward.

6:00 am - The first painful contractions begin, forcing me to lie down on the bed. As per the doctors around, you were progressing fast towards birth and so was my body responding exceptionally well to your efforts. The hormone levels were in complete sync, the cervix was opening at a rapid rate and the contractions had become very frequent and intense.

7:00 am - I was now experiencing the worst pain of my life and missed Dida badly. I had contractions every few minutes.

8:00 am - You were now ready to be born. The contractions were non-stop and I was rushed to the Delivery Room, which felt very cold and intimidating, with four new faces other than Dr. Bhatt whom I was consulting throughout pregnancy. Well, there was an addition of Dr. Anjali Mathur, Paediatrician, Sister Leena, a Nurse and a Gentleman, about whom I really did not feel like knowing anything. Jeez!

I was made to sit on the surgical station and explained about the equipment around me. Dr. Bhatt and Dr. Mathur made me comfortable by updating me about the progress so far and the procedure that still remained.

After forty three minutes of breathing in and out and undergoing countless painful contractions, you gave your first cry at 8:43 am. You were born head-out first, in the normal delivery mode .... all dirty and gooey .... screaming your lungs out with the maroon-greyish umbilical cord still connected to Mumma. I was speechless looking at you, unable to believe it was finally over .... I had become a mother after all! I held you for a while with you slipping away from my hands. The umbilical cord was separated from you and your tiny belly button was pegged with a blue coloured plastic peg.

You were wiped with a warm towel, my name labeled on your left foot, your response tested by pinching you at various places, clapping near your ears, torch being shined around your eyes and your breathing checked. You weighed 3.13 kg. and kept crying all this while, which was good to clear your lungs of any mucous or water, as per Dr. Mathur.

Inspite of being all sweaty, hungry and tired by then, I was dying to take you in my arms forever! However, I was given a shot and asked to close my eyes as my Pulse Rate had dropped alarmingly low, hinting at acute exhaustion. I was kept under observation for an hour ....

10 :00 am - I open my eyes to see you all wrapped up in a towel in Papa's arms who kept saying, "Ekdum Sonali Bendre lagti hai!" He just didn't know how to react to your stares and cries! I was then shifted to my Private Room which had a Baby Cot too.

The whole day, there were many visitors coming over to meet you and give their blessings too. It rained the whole night on 16th June 2004 and you did not sleep a wink. Papa wrapped you in his arms and kept running between Nursery, where you were fed milk and our Private Room. We kept staring at you helplessly, unable to understand your unstoppable cries and shrieks. Dadi arrived the next morning and took charge of you while me and Papa slept like a log over the bed and bench respectively. Dadi woke me up occasionally to feed you.

Life could never be the same again ........

I Love You K~, for coming into my life and making it beautiful!

K~'s Sketching on Children's Day at School

K~'s Stories

K~ has a very special favourite past time - Making Stories.

She expects me to provide the story characters which she expands further into an interesting plot and at times, supports it with her amateurish pencil and crayon sketches too. Obviously, she does not write the story but narrates it to herself very softly before finally holding the sketch in her tiny hands, saying her story aloud to me. This game is a great life saving exercise, especially when I am trying to concentrate on a task and do not want to be nagged by her, every now and then. So, all I have to do is, give her 3-4 names and she would start spinning a story out of it, meaningfully engaged for the next 15-20 minutes.

Good Riddance!

On a better note, I would like to state a few observations based on this interaction with her.

1. K~ is self-obsessed and keeps mentioning about herself in each story.

2. K~ weaves very happy ending stories and the story plot patterns are very typical. One of the characters face a huge difficulty, which gets solved with the help of other characters and all is well in the end! It proves that we are all born with an optimistic approach and a positive attitude which gets influenced otherwise with growing age and negative worldly experiences.

3. All stories begin and end with the same lines, "Once upon a time....." and "And they lived happily ever after. The End." respectively.

Archiving a few of her stories below trying to quote her words as much as I can recall:

Bumble Bee, Butterfly and The Ladybug

Once upon a time, there lived three best friends in a beautiful green garden at E6/3, PLF Extensive Floors. The garden belonged to a beautiful girl called K~, who was very kind and lovely.The bumble bee and butterfly would buzz around flowers, drinking nectar from them.

One day, the bumble bee and the butterfly saw that the ladybug was crying. They stopped immediately and asked her "Why are you crying, dear ladybug?" The ladybug said,"I am crying because I cannot fly like both of you. I am useless. The butterfly is so beautiful and the bee gives nectar. But, I don't look nice and do not have nectar to make honey. And, when both of you are gone during the day, I miss you both, sitting all by myself."

The Butterfly and Bumble Bee felt very bad for their friend and decided to help him. They brought a long green leaf and asked the Ladybug to sit on it. Then, the Butterfly and Bumble Bee held it tightly at the corners and started flying taking the Ladybug along with them. The Ladybug was very happy to be with her friends all the time.

And, they all lived happily ever after. The End!

The Caterpillar and Kind K~

Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful girl named K~. One day, K~ was playing in her garden and watering the plants. Suddenly, she heard someone cry. She started looking for him. No sooner than she did, she could feel a wriggle at her toes. Actually, a small Caterpillar was weeping hard.

She asked the Caterpillar,"Why are you crying?". The Caterpillar said,"I look so ugly. Also, Lalu, the gardener does not let me be. He waters the plants so hard that I keep falling from the leaves I am eating. I cannot even spin my cocoon in peace."

K~ replied,"Don't worry, Caterpillar. You will very soon turn into a beautiful Butterfly. I will scold Lalu and ask him to water all the plants nicely, so that you are not disturbed while eating and spinning your cocoon." K~ did just that.

A few days later, a beautiful butterfly came to K~ and thanked her. Wow! It was the same Caterpillar whom K~ had helped out.

And they all lived happily ever after. The End.

Lion, Elephant, Monkey and K~'s Birthday Party

Once upon a time, there was a big jungle in which lived a Lion, an Elephant and a monkey. They used to play together and have fun.

One day, it was K~'s birthday and she invited all of them to her birthday party.

The Lion, Elephant and Monkey thought very hard of a gift for K~. They kept thinking and thinking with their brains. "Aha!", said the Elephant,"Why don't we gift K~ some lovely Maroola flowers. K~ loves flowers.". But, the Elephant and Monkey did not agree. They had a fight in the end.

The day went by and they could not get any gift for K~. They were very sad and they said sorry to K~ for being so mean.

K~ said,"It is OK, friends. I am happy because you were able to make it to my birthday. That's the best gift you could have given me. Now, let us all play together and have fun."

And, they all lived happily ever after. The End!

I wish life was as simple and happy as these stories. K~, I pray that your own life story has a very happy ending too and may you get enough opportunities to help everyone around just like your imagined tales.

Always Be Happy, my little Angel!

Evolution of daily food

Food is one of the most prominent features that define society. It very subtly reveals our taste, preferences, climate, history, culture, religion and the living patterns, at large.

I have been fortunate to experience the most traditional bengali cuisine mastered by Thamma (paternal grandmother) since childhood, followed by a modified North-Eastern fusion, yet largely bengali cooking by Maa after Thamma's death and very recently relished typical Awadhi cooking by Amma, my mother-in-law hailing from Eastern Uttar Pradesh after the sudden demise of Maa. I love to eat delicious home made food, especially if served with warmth - the last but not the least important ingredient that completes any eating experience.

Wise men say that "A family that prays and eats together at least once a day shall always stay together." And I can definitely feel a special warmth with my family while singing bhajans (during festivals) or eating that one meal at dinner time, in togetherness. Actually, if we carefully analyse , it is during our prayers when His Holiness overtakes our petty pride and prejudices and our minds get tastefully satisfied while eating, both helping us forget mutual differences for a while. So, wise men definitely have a very strong basis for the above statement.

Anyway, coming back to evolution of daily food, I would like to begin with my early childhood, when it was quite an elaborate affair. My thamma was a very traditional bangaali who took pride in preserving the eastern roots in her family till the last day of her life through inculcating music, poetry, academics and food. She strictly wore only cotton sarees and tied it the bengali way, always. I recall my early childhood days when my home smelt of incense sticks, fish curry (macher jhol) and aging books, all mixed up harmoniously.

Bengali style of Saree-Drape

Food had to be eaten following definite meal courses. On one hand, this huge variety of food made it cumbersome to be cooked everyday, while on the other hand, the nutrition and taste one derived would be increased manifold.

Breakfast was quite monotonous where we would be forced to finish a bowl of roti, milk and banana - all mashed together for it's health value. But, thamma made up for this forced early morning palate torture inflicted on us during the rest of the meals through an elaborate lunch/dinner and the yummiest evening snacks with our evening glass of milk.

Macher Jhol (Fish Curry)

Rosho-Golla

A typical lunch/dinner menu would comprise of the following courses, essentially in that order.

Teito with Rice

(Dry preparation of Bitter Gourd cooked with Neem or Margosa leaves and brinjal served with Rice)

Daal & Shobji Bhaja with Rice

(Lentils and crispy fried vegetables served with Rice)

Torkari & Vegetable Koptaas with Rice

(Vegetables, especially lots of greens or vegetable balls cooked in typical Bengali gravy)

Macher Jhol with Rice

( Bengali Fish curry cooked with/out vegetables usually tempered with paanch foron consisting of cumin, mustard, fenugreek, fennel and black cumin and long green chillies)

Mishti

(Sweet dessert usually kheer, sandesh, rasgulla or Mishti Doi)

After my thamma passed away when I was five, Maa took over the reins of household completely and carried on with the culinary legacy. Maa was more experimental with food and introduced different Cuisines like South Indian and Chinese into our daily food, while cutting down on the heavy meal courses as she was into a full time job of teaching.

The change was quite evident in terms of lesser time being spent over the dining table and the kitchen and our palate started experiencing newer tastes. The evening snacks were replaced with commercial biscuits and four course meals were restricted to weekends. Roti replaced Rice during Dinner and non-vegetarian dishes were tried out in gravies of Mutton and Chicken too, which were then consumed only once a week.

I got married in early 2001, almost a decade back, into a family of Eastern Uttar Pradesh which gave me enough opportunities to then taste typical North Indian meals. Amma, my mother-in-law is a fine cook and consistently ensures variety in her cooking. My observation regarding the typical North Indian meals is pretty simple, they do not live to eat but eat to live, unlike bengalis who have an unbelievable passion and patience for food. Breakfast is extremely interesting in sharp contrast to my childhood. Cheela, Poha, Pakoda, Upma, Egg Omelet with Toast, Kachori with Dum Aloo and Jalebi ..... Slurrrp!!! Breakfast is the best part at my sasuraal.

Kebabs

Chicken Roast

Lunch and Dinner is simplified with a Daal, Sabji, Roti, Chutney, Raita and Salad. Snacks are aplenty like sumptuous non-vegetarian as well as green kebabs, chicken fry and roasted, various tikkas and desserts are usually Halwa made with seasonal ingredients like Carrots, Plain Gourd(Lauki), Makhana (lotus seeds) or Moong Daal. Commercial sweets like Gulab Jamun with Rabdi is also consumed very often. It has been a different flavour altogether.

My husband also happens to be reasonably good at cooking and is a trained Chef since his Hotel Management days, where he specialised in Food Production whereas I took up Accommodation Management.

My journey in food has been quite an interesting one so far. That just leaves us with one question .... What do I cook? ;-))

Well, I feel burdened by the legacy concept and cook whatever comes to my mind at that moment. There are days when I would feel motivated enough to lay a feast over the table including Bengali food on one extreme or would rather cook up 2-minute noodles on days when I feel less energetic. I belong to today's generation of spoilt home-makers, I guess!

Going by the cooking patterns which have conveniently got simplified with each generation, I shudder to think what would K~ be cooking when she goes the family way !!

If I was a Man ....

At times, I wonder!

What if God had given each human being the freedom to live like a man in the first half of his life and as a woman in the second, or vice versa. Last evening, I was enjoying some Ginger Lemon Tea at Barista with a very dear schoolmate of mine and we naturally drifted to our teenage days .... when my identity was more of a quiet tom-boy - dressed in trousers, bob-cut hair, riding a bike and participating in numerous sports events at school. Not that I am any better now .... barring for my hair which have grown long on an earnest request made by my husband a decade back! Anyway, I felt that hint of masculinity in my personality after many years which led to me bird-watching around. Now, such opportunities are available amply in Gurgaon buzzing with teenage hot-chicks and attempting-to-look-young type middle-aged housewives. My friend asked me a simple question, "Shruti, if you were a man, whom would you date?" The answer/s came after much contemplation, which I want to record on this blog.

So, here it is ....

Surely, I would have been a voracious man, wanting to experience a close interaction with almost all types of talented women. I shortlisted four women, whom I find extremely gifted and beautiful amongst many more.

Chantal Creviazuk - The Melody Queen at No.4

In descending order, at No.4 is Chantal Creviazuk, 36 years old, a trained pianist and guitarist, fabulous lyricist and well-acclaimed singer. She soared to fame with the song "Leaving on a jet plane ...." from the block buster Hollywood film "Armageddon". She has won many prestigious awards and still going strong.

I still remember the first time I watched her a decade back on television in the official "Armageddon" album .... sans any make up, hair tied back neatly in a ponytail wearing a strap black top. She prefers to be shot very simply in any video - sitting at the piano with no fake story plot to support her song. One enters a strange trance watching her emoting the song lyrics through facial expressions and body language. She does not need any characterisation to reach out to the audience.

I wish I could have a chance to know her from close quarters being a man and watch her sing heart felt notes, just for me, all with a hint of romance. Eh!

..................................................................................

Shakira - The Raw Danseuse at No.3

At No.3 is Shakkirrrrrra .............. OOMPH!

It is such a pleasure to watch her hip gyrating movements which defy all possible bone frames of a human body. I would have played the man percussionist while she would have swayed passionately to my rhythm and beats, occasionally exchanging intense glances with me.

Shakira, aged 32, who owns many Grammy and Golden Globe awards has gloriously topped all musical charts with every album release. She has been consistent with her success .... Hips Really Don't Lie .... I guess! The best part of her persona is her utter self-confidence which comes out with her choice of bold lyrics where she does not shy away from talking about the humble dimensions of her body (Whenever Wherever) or her musical partnerships with other artistes while making videos like Beyonce Knowles (Beautiful Liar) and Wyclef Jean (Hips don't lie), without ever feeling threatened at being overpowered by them on screen.

Oh! How much I would have loved to keep a manly pace with her perpetually charged up dance steps.

.................................................................................

Meena Kumari - The Multi-faceted Diva at No.2

Late Meena Kumari, the extremely talented yet self-destructive tragedy queen has always captured my dark imagination. How could such rare talent, a heady concoction of beauty, acting, singing and poetry, waste herself in heavy drinking leading to a painful death due to liver cirrhosis? How could her deceptively sensitive and immensely talented husband, Kamal Amrohi Saheb, possibly neglect such a worthy wife just on the basis of Shia Sunni conflicting values?

She addressed her broken relationship with her husband in such apt words:

तलाक तो दे रहे हो, नज़र-ऐ-कहर के साथ,

जवानी भी मेरी लौटा दो महर के साथ.

I get moved beyond words each time that I read her Biography. I have tears rolling down my cheeks whenever I listen to her Ghazal collection - "I write, I recite." She remained deprived of true love and intense affection throughout her life.

If I was a man, I would have made her experience true soulful love .... on the same plane and matching her intensity. When I think of her from a man's perspective, it is more of a gentle fondness that captivates my heart than anything else!

She would have been a treasure .... the most precious one in my life whom I could never hurt nor desert, for sure !!!

.................................................................................

Jhumpa Lahiri - The Irresistible Author at No.1

The most appealing woman to my imagined manly instincts is Jhumpa Lahiri .... She definitely has a mind and intellect to match!

She has a signature style in anything and everything about her .... beautiful looks, introverted disposition, lucid writing, confused motherhood and a casual attitude towards stardom and recognition. She is definitely different.

Be it Pulitzer prize or Bookers prize ..... nothing seems to affect her and consequently her talent never stales nor gets impacted negatively. It is her ability to turn simple life incidents and plain characters into an interesting read that puts her on a much higher pedestal than contemporary literature stalwarts. Way to go, girl!!

As a man, I would have aroused all my intellectual capabilities to bond with her mentally, emotionally and spiritually .... Not advisable to go any further from here. For, this is but a blog present in the public domain ..... Mind It! Ha Ha.

She would have been my ultimate dream date whom I would have married eventually .... Well!

..................................................................................

Phew!!

I guess my tea at Barista is over and perhaps, it will never be my cup of tea to realise whatever I have written above. But, who could ever chain thoughts and fantasies?

Beauty and some Beasts

Hon'ble Speaker at Lok Sabha - Then

Hon'ble Speaker at Lok Sabha - Now

I hate politics .... for it is too dry and boring to capture my attention span which is captivated better by Page 3 and Delhi Times, Soul Curry and God in Gucci type masala supplements. In sharp contrast, my husband reads the serious news and watches only news channels, forcing me to sit with him during evening tea, while I would be in perpetual yawns, perhaps more interested in the attire of the news reader minutely observing the make up she would be wearing along with the occasional reading of news snippets scrolling on the screen below.

Now, I had an enthralling experience the other day while surfing through TV channels .... I stopped almost instantaneously on Lok Sabha Television. There was this charismatic lady with a signature smile, perched up on the Hon'ble Speaker's chair trying to conduct the day amidst the unruly bunch of parliamentarians. I held the TV remote for a while mesmerised by her composure, grit and chilled out attitude. Cool Man! I thought to myself recognising her as The Meira Kumar.

I found out more about her which is pretty easy in today's context, thanks to Google search and Wikipedia. Anyway, I was impressed by her glorious lineage, astounding qualifications and career, a clean socio-political record and extraordinary inter-personnel skills which got her elected as the first woman speaker of Lok Sabha, that too UNOPPOSED. I continued reading .... Daughter of prominent Dalit leader, Babu Jagjeevan Ram, a post graduate in Law from Miranda House, Delhi University, she joined Indian Foreign Services in 1973 and served at Embassies in Spain, UK and Mauritius. It was much later in 1985 that she entered Politics and consequently beat powerful opponents like Ram Vilas Paswan and Mayawati in her constituency Bijnor .... Blah Blah Blah!!!!

(Big Yawwnn ..... I warned you, I get bored of Politics .... so, let me come directly to the point.)

In short, she proved her mettle as a seasoned diplomat, a sound academician and a clever politician using her wit and charms to win over people and situations. She appeared to be a master at Mob Management and Anger Management, making herself an excellent case study of Behavioural Sciences.

One would half expect a dignified lady draped perfectly in starched silk saree, with polished mannerisms, conversing with utter finesse, to be able to manage the uncouth crowd in the Indian Parliament. But, to my amazement, Meira Kumar does a better taming job than her predecessor Somnath Da. No offence meant, but Shri Somnath Chatterjee had a fixed expression of disgust on his face with a bovine lung power which made him scream louder than the parliament offenders themselves. The media exploited the situation and happily thrived on covering stories of his frequent emotional outbursts.

Meira Kumar holds herself with calm without ever letting go of her lovely smile nor her soft voice .... even in tough situations like the walk-out of the opposition party workers right on the first day of Winter Session.

All this makes me think .... Do we need only women in such kind of conflict centric job positions? What makes ladies as counsellors, teachers, trainers, lawyers etc. more approachable to clients than men?

I recall my own experience at work .... We had a tough nut to crack .... a Union leader who would just not sign on his appraisal form blaming the entire system to be unfair and unjust. I was finally given this task which made me jittery as I was out of the Management School hardly a year back. Somehow, I mustered up the courage and sat across him in a private room .... trying to bring expressions on his cold face and words out of his stiff lips. I started on a very casual note without even touching upon the matter of appraisal which was kept inside the drawyer of the table. I struck a conversation on God, taking a clue from a huge teeka on his forehead ... asking him about places around where I could buy poojan-saamagri and temples to visit, as I was new to the place. He shared with me his passion for Hinduism and how the present generation was destroying it. He spoke at great length about Hindu deities and methods of worship. Once the ice was broken, I was easily able to manoeuvre the interaction and finally all went well. Phew! Later, I discovered that all difficult Performance Appraisals were conducted by lady Managers. Perhaps, it is the ability to empathise with people concerned or at least the appearance of it that makes women good at resolving conflicts.

Anyway, one truth has been established in the case of Indian Parliament - presence of soft spoken and well dressed ladies makes a huge difference to the over all decorum. Women will always make the Lok Sabha an interesting place to be.

And, I have one last suggestion to make regarding the attendance during important proceedings on milestone days like Commencement of Winter/Summer/Rainy etc. Session.
An item song by Mallika Sherawat or Rakhi Sawant at the end of such days would ensure no walk-outs whilst improving the efficiency of Parliamentarians.

Talk about Woman-Power !!!

Hello, Mr. Frost. How do you do?

Bar-be-Que with friends

"Only for K~, Papa and Mumma" Bar-be-Que

Am I happy? Well .....

The best part of tropical weather has finally arrived. Winters are here to stay for the next three months providing ample opportunities to relish sumptuous food, enjoy interesting indoor activities and gazing at a bountiful flora. Physical Health is at it's best during these cold days .... no indigestion, irritating rashes or skin breaks and no sweating during my long evening walks.

I want to count the experiences that make winters soooo special to me ....

First and foremost, it brings the family together in an array of activities. The bed boxes are opened, lofts are explored and fresh discoveries are made about K~'s physical development. "Oh My! Look at how tall K~ has grown since last year .... the woollen pyjamas look like shorts OR Oh, No! This jacket does not fit anymore!" All warm clothing and heavy quilts, fresh out of packing, smell of naphtha .... sweaters, jackets, ponchos, shawls, inner warmers, caps, mittens and the socks are piled up at one place to be aired and arranged in the wardrobes. Sheets are laid all over the garden, every possible piece of furniture comes out into the balcony and these warm treasures neatly arranged to bask in the sun until evening. In the night, K~ and Mumma would stack it together into the respective almirahs and literally squeeze words of appreciation from each one around. What fun!

Then, here comes the Bar-be-Que ....

The mixed aroma of charcoal smoke, sausages, kebabs, marinated meats and spices along with a nice drink arouse the goofy side of mine. The entire experience gets enriched further with some heart warming talks with loved ones, a few songs and the after-effects of getting drunk .... Hic Hic! These cold evenings and freezing nights provide the best time to organise private bar-be-que in the backyard garden. Bar-be-Que is supposed to be essentially a Man's job (at least that's what I say to motivate K~'s Papa ... who cares about the antecedents of it?) making it more worth while for me to simply get pampered without getting my hands dirty at all. And K~ loves to cosy up to me after getting full with all the tasty treats while I put her to sleep in the warmth of my lap and the glowing embers.

I can gorge endlessly on Gajar ka Halwa, which has been my palate weakness since childhood. I remember having made a record, of sorts, at age ten in single handed emptying up of an entire gajar halwa bowl (made with 2 kg. grated carrot cooked in 1 kg. sugar, 4 kg. milk and 1/2 kg. khoya along with countless spoons of ghee) in just one day. That's right! One day was all I took to finish it up and I remember falling ill the next day with terrible indigestion and bouts of vomiting.

Anyway, history put aside, the point I am trying to make is that I loooove to eat this special dessert (available only during this time of the year) even today and if I get a fair chance to act myself, I will surely break my own record. How wonderful would that be!

Anyone ready to host this eating event for me?

Sleeping has always been my favourite past time and with these present shorter days and longer nights, it could not get any better. I recall my hectic job days when I had to be dragged out of bed every morning at six leaving behind the warmth of my quilt and a few unfinished dreams, both sacrificed at the altars of a ruthless clock alarm. The comfort one feels in K~'s warm cuddle inside a soft quilt, while getting engrossed in a drama based movie on television cannot be expressed through mere words.

I wish these days could last forever and ever. But, like all the cherished things in my life, this will come to an end too, altering into hot days and the merciless sun again.

Till then .... Enjoyyyyy!

परिवर्तन

गहन चिंतन में डूबी मै ....
सोचूँ क्या स्थाई और क्या अस्थाई?
दिन बदले रात में, ऋतु ले चार अंगडाई,
नाले बने नदी, जो गिरे समुद्र गहराई।
चंद्र से अमावस पूनम, बेटी बने पराई,
मित्र बने शत्रु तब अपरिचित से संग निभाई।
जीवन मरण में बंधी है यह सृष्टि सारी,
जिसे देखूं मै बनकर असहाई.

शोक न कर, तू आगे आगे बढे चल ....
यही नियम है, यही रहेगा, काल चक्र रहेगा घूमता,
तभी तो शम्भू नष्ट करता, जिसे ब्रह्मा मनन से बनाता।
बिछोह न हो तो कैसा प्रेम, दुःख बिन क्या सुख रुचेगा?
यह संसार न सोये रात में, तो दिन में कौन जागेगा?
दीपावली न होगी हर अमावास में , न ईद का चाँद रहेगा।
फूल न गिरे सूखकर, तो बीज कहाँ से निकलेगा?

पग न रुकें बस आज तुम्हारे ....
मुट्ठी खोलो, अतीत को छोडो, देखो आँखें खोलकर,
नई है उषा, नया है रास्ता, उठ जाओ चाहे ऊंघकर।
नयन रोते जिस दुःख पर तुम्हारे, वही बनाये जीवन सुखकर,
हृदय की वेदना को स्वीकारो हर्ष से, शेष होगा संताप वहीँ पर।
शूल बनेंगे फूल मन के, नए भविष्य को आता देखकर,
वर्तमान में बांधो हिम्मत उस एक इश्वर का स्मरण कर।
बस केवल इश्वर का स्मरण कर ....

Ah! Spring is here ....

The spring comes here; I can sniff it in the air.

Ah! The bloom all around with His love and care.

This tiny bud sprouts, lurking in the backyard,

Having weathered the merciless chill ....

The winter was potent and the bud so shy,

Mighty frost gave way for her to grow on high.

She now shivers in a languid effort to blossom,

Into an enchanting floret over her weed's bosom.

Unsure yet assuring, so petrified yet sanguine,

Suggestive of the unstirred virginity of a fresh bloom.

Bathing in the warm sun, she shall remain unscathed,

Till a bee comes buzzing to procreate her ....

To Rooch and Chonu .... With Love !

I have been blessed with many friends. They stand by me steadfast and accept me unconditionally. Including my flaws and occasional insanity. I owe each one of them their affection and help, unfazed by their own hardships in life.

But, I would like to mention about two very special mates of mine, who have actually impacted my inner self and influenced my personality and perspective on everything possible, good or bad (which is just a matter of opinion .... and they differ and change with time and situation ... Isn't it?). There is nothing .... absolutely nothing running common between the two and yet they stay together with me. I would like to dedicate this post to them.

About Chonu ....

Whenever I think of her, certain flashes run through my mind! The green tunic, red tie and green coat which made our Carmel Convent School uniform .... my Red Bicycle which graduated into the Black Kinetic Honda in Std.XII .... Amit Shukla Coaching Classes .... Section-A and Section-C .... canteen samosas .... combined studies .... her green LML Vespa and long highway drives through Mandideep to Bhojpur, our parents being unaware of it. She stands for Strength and Fearlessness and nothing could ever deter her from achieving what ever she wanted. It was the masculine side of her personality, if I may say so, that impressed me the most .... she started driving cars, jeeps, gear operated scooters at a very young age indeed and never indulged in the regular teenage girl talks - none of the regular beauty care, films, exam fever or BOYZZZZ!!

I learnt to face any tough situation heads-on from her. She always said, "It is never too late for anything!!!" and we stretched it a bit too far by not studying for exams until a day before. Ha Ha!

Today, she is a software professional, a lovely wife and a mother of a beautiful three year old daughter. She sails effortlessly from one role to other with the help of her extraordinary intelligence and supportive husband. She never has one free moment in hand .... multi tasking at any given point in time .... Cooking and driving while talking over the phone with her close pals, working on a presentation when feeding khichdi to her girl, taking her dog for a night stroll and attending an official conference call. If I was to live her hectic life even for a day, I am sure I'll land up in a mental asylum. She inspires me with the fact that no grief or happiness in life can be bigger than life itself .... the play shall go on uninterrupted with or without a few characters or scenes. So, don't stop midway .... always be on the move and carry on.

I have never witnessed a single weak moment in her life when she was unsure, desperate or unable to gather herself. There are times when she sounds harsh, cold and unresponsive to situations especially if they deal with human emotions. Perhaps, it is her way of dealing with things. Even today, when I meet her, I get infected with a fresh hope to live and smile !

God Bless You, Chonu! I may not say this often, but I do love you for being with me since childhood .... for carving out a sense of masculinity in me that helped me tremendously in my college experiences and early job days in Mumbai.

About Rooch ....

Mumbai local trains, cabs, a beautiful shared flat, films, marine drive, Aksa beach, Colaba Army Club overlooking the Arabian Sea, tough hotelier and a passion for relationships bordering madness are a few thoughts coming to me instantly when I think of her.

If Chonu symbolised masculinity, then Rooch definitely spoke aloud of femininity .... in every manner possible .... disposition, taste, attitude and looks. A "Miss Ahmedabad" first runner up to the very famous Nethra Raghuraman, who had actually won the title, Rooch is a jaw dropping beauty with immense talent. Her entry into my life has been very subtle yet deep and destiny brought us together, time and again. Initially, I did not regard her very highly due to my pre-conceived notions about girls attending beauty contests and talking so freely on repressed topics. Romance, sex and men used to be her daily discussion fodder, be it the lockers, cafeteria or dinner table. I would simply observe her in a detached manner. It was only after we were put together to share accommodation in Jaipur followed by Mumbai that I experienced the real Rooch.

Rooch is made of dreams - living in her fantasy world perfumed with timeless innocence and love towards one and all! Even the scariest of personal experiences and most unfortunate life events could not manage to kill the goodness dwelling inside her.

She displays great skills of verbal and written expressions and more often than not, outdid her entire batch while giving formal presentations or articulately handling her seniors and bosses. She takes finesse in her stride and carries a natural ease even while talking to Ratan Tata. Nothing can overwhelm her. A great performer at whatever she did, she managed to impress each one around her with her subtle intelligence and diligence.

But, she has always been a slave of emotions and continues to be so, even today. Her heart always ruled her mind pushing her destiny to extreme limits of happiness and grief. Life could never remain normal, balanced or mundane to her. There had to be a disruption every now and then to keep her alive .... That's her!

I learnt the relevance of feelings and deep human emotions from her .... something that distinguishes us humans from animals. Nothing was ever planned in her life .... marriage, profession, finances nor her four year old son. Countless times, I have seen her giving away her most prized possessions even to the strangest of acquaintance on their slightest request. She has a lion's heart and has suffered at the hands of undeserving individuals on many occasions.

She evoked a sense of femininity in me .... changed my outlook towards society and its set norms. She matured my views and liberated my thinking and living. She made me realise that harming other fellow beings through malicious words and actions was a worse offence than enjoying a glass of vodka and singing a soulful song.

Rooch, May God bless you and shower you with all the happiness and love you could ever wish for. May you always remain noble at heart and kind in actions and words. May the Almighty give you enough mental strength to be able to sustain your intense emotions without getting hurt ever.

Apart from my parents and experiences who shaped me into whatever I am today, you two have become indispensable to my living.

Today, I pray to the Almighty that may we live and age in togetherness forever!!!

Let us raise a toast to friendship and happiness .... Cheers!

Be Born ....

At one in the night, when the breath is slow,

I enjoy this dream to live and grow.

In this silence and darkness,

I feel a voice within ....

"Gestation is over, you are compete.

Time to push hard, my dear.

Be born into this world,

Impatient to hear your first cry.

Your progeny has borne you for long,

Nourishing you with her last drop of blood.

The chance to indemnify is here,

Arise; break free from the umbilical cord.

May your lungs breathe till infinity,

Your feet tread upon endless miles,

To prove worthy of the womb that carries you."

I wake up once again,

To this strange yet kindling voice,

Sustaining my labour.

Meera Bai - Reaching God through Love

Mhara Re Giridhar Gopal, Doosra Na Koya.
Mhara Re Giridhar Gopal, Doosra Na Koya.
Sadhu Sakal Lok Chhodya, Doosra Na Koya.
Mhara Re ....

-1-

Bhai Chhadya, Bandhu Chhadya, Chhadya Saga Soya,
Sadhu Sang Baith Baith Lok-Laaj Khoya.
Mhara Re ....

-2-

Bhagat Dekhya Raaji Hoya, Lagat Dekh Roya,
Doodh Math Ghrit Kaadh Layo, Daar Gaya Chhoya.
Mhara Re ....

(Below is the link to this soulful bhajan which I listen to quite often:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbqCteQpUYo )

...............................................................................

The above lines carry the essence of true devotion for Lord Krishna which made Meera Bai immortal on earth and worthy of heaven.

In the first stanza, she wants to express her utter grief over being grossly misunderstood by each one around her. She detaches herself from her siblings, friends, family and relatives to find solace amidst sadhus or the true devotees of God only to be mocked and defamed by fellow beings. She then lead a life of self-imposed exile to devote herself completely to her Lord Krishna, singing, dancing and offering prayers to Him. She also referred to Lord Krishna as her divine husband and faced the wrath of her family and society when she expressed her inability to accept Rana ji as her mortal husband.

The second stanza is laced with hope and happiness unlike the first one, where she says that the sight of an innocent devotee pleases her whereas the company of hollow materialistic beings hurt her very soul. She has churned the butter from milk and discarded the rest - The essence of love has been taken and the rest has been thrown away. What a worthy example and simple way of saying that she has felt the highest form of love for her Giridhar where the immortal souls merged leaving the casual bodies and mind behind. It is the soul that shall exist till eternity when the rest elements of body, mind, intellect and heart will attain new identities with each new human birth.

Meera Bai was a highly elevated divine person with a unique approach towards attaining the Supreme. It was the path of love she chose over the most commonly preferred means like meditation, fasting and knowledge. It requires maturity and deep understanding, perhaps beyond mortal comprehension to truly experience the gist of her love for Krishna.

What was the sole cause for her undying love for the Divine?

How was she able to break free from the pulls of Maya just on the basis of this divine love?

How was she able to experience the highest state of Bliss through a mute statue of Krishna?

How did her soul overpower her mental, physical and emotional needs?

I have found myself pondering over these questions quite often! I have always been enticed by the manifestation of God through human emotions and Meera Bai is the most convincing example of the same. I have tried to write about it in one of my earlier posts which can be read at http://fairytalesandbedtimestories.blogspot.com/2009/09/about-god.html

Anyway, coming back to the questions mentioned above .....

I feel all paths seeking HIM have one thing in common apart from the destination itself - losing the Ego. In my personal opinion, the ego comprises of our earthly identity, our perceptions, pride and physical body. One of the first steps that any Yogi takes towards finding God is to dissolve this Ego. Whereas, when we as humans experience True Love, this happens automatically! We lose our identity and find ourselves one with the Beloved. Thereon, nothing seems to affect the mind or body .... no pain, pleasure, sorrow, disappointment, desire or even fear. Mere humans achieve the highest state of Detachment that even the toughest of Yogis yearn for! When the Ego ceases to be, all physical and emotional needs die their natural death.

In my little understanding, perhaps, this is what Meera could have experienced. She was able to reach God through the very human emotions of unconditional love and undying devotion. It did not affect Meera Bai that her love for a seemingly lifeless statue, whom she fondly referred to as her Only Husband could not respond to her prayers of love, appreciate her holy dance offerings nor consummate the divine union physically .... for such expressions become meaningless when their ultimate purpose is achieved beforehand, and that is Union of the Souls!

She was able to attain the divine, living in this very human world, performing all worldly duties of a wife, daughter-in-law and a rajput queen! She was a true queen of the masses and rules our hearts and minds to this day.

Who ever said that the human emotions are obstacles to divine goals?

The pleasure of reading a Book

It is 11:30 am and most of my household chores are over. K~ is expected to come back from school in another 2 hours from now.

OK, let me read something light .... "Paromita" by Sumathi Sudhakar seems good. A little green 70 paged book .... plot belongs to the 19th century in a sleepy village of West Bengal where a little girl rebels against a society that seeks her blind submission. Good read, I guess !

I dust the white plastic chair and place it in the warm sunlight beside the sitting room door. Ummmm .... I think I will need a foot rest too .... so, here is a wooden stool to perch my legs up while reading.

So ... Page 1, Preface ....

Something is still missing .... Aha! A bowl of Haldiram's Aloo bhujiya .... let me help myself. The book is in my right hand and the bhujia bowl on my left, the contents of which I lap with my tongue every now and then, breaking all rules of civilised human behaviour where one is supposed to use a spoon or at least fingers while eating. But, I prefer the feline behaviour over human and very soon lick the bhujia bowl clean.

I lose myself to this book .... deeper and deeper and I am lost!!!!!!!!!

I am Paromita now. I am living her life, smiles and struggles. I cease to be the true Me and so do all My true troubles and happiness.

Sheer Bliss!!!

.................................................................................

Talk about the pleasures of reading a book! I fondly recall my childhood when I would spend hours on reading story books. I howled in tears when atrocities were performed on Uncle Tom in the book "Uncle Tom's Cabin", I bit my nails each time when Nancy Drew, Poirot and The Famous Five were at the peak of solving a mystery and would laugh madly while reading "Eleven Stories for Boys and Girls". I also remember choking in tears while reading "Autobiography of a Yogi" by Paramahansa Yoganand ji where he has described his first experience of Super Consciousness through a beautiful poem getting enticed into the idea of becoming a nun at the YSS. Ah! The innocent childhood days. My mind would take me into an entirely different world.

My mother used to be worried for me and my future. She would keep coaxing me into studying my school books but my heart would still lie in stories and poems and almost all copies ... Maths, History, Geography .... all had a few lines composed by me scribbled at the back. I would get lost into my very own fantasy world even while listening to Math, Physics, History lectures at school ... trying to rhyme lines, imagine story plots and relishing a few thoughts from the last book I read a day before. Who cares about a boring lecture on Inorganic Chemistry .... will study on my own when exams would knock .... not right now! LOL

Books indeed influenced my childhood and early teens before I left home in 1995, after which I simply lost touch with reading. A maddening job schedule, family and raising a kid affected my time and interest to read books.

I have recently re-discovered relishing books and I promise I shall never lose sight of it this time.

Missed you, my dear friend!

Confessions of a Blogger Mom ....

The other day a very close friend of mine gave me a distress call .....

"My husband closely follows your blog and thinks I need to modify my interaction with my child. It hurt me somewhere .... knowing that I have always tried my best ..... Sorry to talk to you about all this! But, I just could not hold myself."

I felt conscience-stricken because proving my motherly qualities over someone else has never been my motive. While writing this blog, my sole objective is to record soul-stirring and interesting incidents related to K~'s development while relishing the participation and encouragement of my close friends and associates through their comments.

I have a few sincere confessions to make in this regard ...

I am not a special mother nor is K~ a special kid. Each mother is special in her own right and has a distinct style to raise her own kids. The incidents I write on this blog happen in every home .... the efforts to make her kid learn through games, puzzles and books are made by every Mom .... each child is unique with her own set of gifted creative traits ..... if only we have the time and affinity to appreciate both!

My father keeps quoting a very learned scholar who said very often "Ku-Putra (unworthy son) exist for sure but mankind is yet to witness a Ku-Mata (unworthy mother)." I have deep respect for all mothers because nature has gifted each one of them with the divine qualities to create, nourish and preserve.

So, it would be very unfair to challenge any woman with regard to her motherly abilities based on the readings of this blog. It could be her lack of time and interest to write long passages rather than lack of interest in motherly duties.

Every woman has her own moments of weakness when lack of self-esteem and self-worth overtake her parental emotions. Each woman fondly recalls her carefree days when she cherished a better visible identity .... earning money and enjoying status. All women will have some amount of pent up anger by the evening having weathered countless nights without sleep while being nagged relentlessly through the entire day!

I remember July 2005 when K~ was just a year old and no longer could I cope with a domesticated life. In a desperate attempt to win back my lost identity, I joined an ITC hotel and resumed work. I would throw a tearful K~ every morning into the arms of a bundelkhandi maid and dart off to work on my scooter. K~ would keep missing me every moment. My maid would call me up every day at office with K~ wanting to hear my voice. K~ could not even speak then! She would whine and cry clutching on to the receiver saying "Maa Maa, Maa Maa ......" and I would choke with tears yet wanting to live an independent life which gave me enough motivation to continue working for a year before I realised I was hurting myself by not taking good care of my girl. The recognition I wanted to earn came at a very heavy price .... loss of my involvement in the formative years of my baby. K~ started communicating in pure bundelkhandi language for that was the language of her maid ..... she would talk aloud to me in her tone - "Mumma, itain aao .... utain na jaao!" K~ stopped eating well .... looked pale and I then decided to call it quits to my job! And today, I am happy I made that decision. I might have been emotionally foolish to get so much affected by the happenings, but K~ deserved my love and care in entirety!

Then, I remember when K~ was hardly two months old, I cursed her very often .... and I meant every word when I said "K~, I really wish you were not born. I would have been spared of the last 60 sleepless nights, physical pain and lack of time and will to be with your dad" ..... and the list of bad things would go on! I realised I had not matured as a person myself before K~ was born.

I thank my friends for closely reading this blog requesting them not to glorify my role as a mother for I am as ordinary yet special just like any and many mothers you have known and cherished this lifetime!

The silent sufferings of Web Marketing!

Have you ever noticed the advertisement links that appear while you read and write emails on Gmail? Do your eyes ever stray to the pictures and commercials on the right side while viewing photos on FaceBook? Did you trash the matrimonial and dating messages on your Rediff and Hotmail Inbox today?

You are lucky if you haven't! You have been spared from a few embarrassing moments. You don't believe me? Read on ....

The other day, I uploaded few pictures on FB, the popular social networking website. The album was titled "Moo/Shoo .... Missing you guys!" in fond remembrance of India visit of my Brother/Sister-in-Law. Lo and Behold! A beautiful girl appeared flaunting her smooth limbs selling permanent Hair Removal Solutions along with hot Lingerie displays and finally a link to Gurgaon Singles Club .... all appearing on the right side of the page. Good Heavens!

Then, I remember exchanging a series of mails over Gmail with a plain acquaintance updating him with latest news from my end like my mother's sad demise 5 years back and me quitting work and likewise. Amidst the strictly formal sentences of the mails, I could read hilarious Ad link prompts on the right such as "Love Aaj Kal songs", "An answer to your lonely heart?", "Love poems and Romantic lines free download". I became jittery feeling a hot flush over my forehead and it compelled me to re-read the string of mails just to make sure my language was not too mushy hinting at an unintended intimacy between the lines. Jeez!

And this last one walks away with the cake ....

My father was visiting me a few days back and asked me to check his mailbox after misplacing his spectacles. I logged in to witness at least 4-5 mails with ridiculous subject lines .... "Hi shivendra98, waiting for your dream date?" .... "Dear shivendra98, find your soulmate today!" and the last one had me hit the roof with my trademarked hysterical laughter ...."Hi shivendra98! Want to make it LONG and STRONG?" and I teased Baba relentlessly about it! Imagine an elderly senior citizen like him who has always been respectfully addressed as Dasgupta ji, aged 72 years, a widower for the last 5 years having lost his wife in a tragic road accident getting such trash mails with a completely bizarre identity shivendra98.

I am really curious about the functioning of Web Marketing Services. The success criteria of any Advert or Promotion lies in reaching to the correct Market Segment at the most appropriate time. I mean, why is it so difficult to avoid sending a Matrimonial Ad to a 72 year old person when he fills up his birthday as mandatory info while registering on the website? Why have the Google crawlers been blindly programmed to prompt senseless Ad Links just on the basis of a few words getting repeated during a conversation? Needless to mention the discomfort one faces when irrelevant mails clog his Inbox. Does anyone monitor the effectiveness of such Marketing methods?

Anyway, the brighter side to the story is that such instances do tickle the funny bone of jobless and bored individuals like me while providing enough gas to continue writing my blog .....

K~ and her little Corner Garden

K~ wanted a new toy. Something that she could play with everyday without ever getting bored of it. I could not think of any such evergreen toy and ignored her request to be forgotten by her short-lived memory.

Last Sunday morning, after buying the weekly groceries .... stock of vegetables, cereals and pulses, dairy, meat products amongst many other things, we returned to the car and I was surprised at K~'s dad steering the car to a different direction away from home. I kept guessing about the destination before being welcomed by a roadside Plant Nursery. It sure was a pleasure to see the red poinsettias, croutons, zerberas, lilies and many many more seasonal flowers stacked neatly in long rows.

Hmmm .... I get it! This was K~'s toy .... the toy request she made that morning. Good thought K~'s dad ..... so far so good! We bought a kilo of compost, trowel, spade, weeder and watering can for the gardening equipment and flocks and petunia for the flower plants along with some more seasonal flower seeds. The entire thing costed Rs.300/- and I felt good at spending this amount on a creative activity like Gardening rather than buying a Barbie Toy House at almost double the price.

K~ was mad with joy on seeing her gardening equipment and the little plants. She wanted a special corner for her plants and her garden which would ban Laloo Maali from applying his gardening expertise- atleast in her piece of land! K~ and Papa spent the entire afternoon digging up the garden patch and de-weeding it. I wish I could share the excitement in K~'s voice when she was teaching Papa how to do the task. Soon, a neat flower bed emerged with compost soil mixed well and seeds planted along with other flowering plants in the backdrop.

K~ in all her excitement tripped over and fell twice while watering the entire garden at least thrice with her new watering can. K~ demanded a garden fence and a name board to let everyone know that she was the owner of the garden. So, a thermo-foam piece was pasted on a wooden stick with her name written on it and twigs were planted around her flower bed to keep away stray creatures like Papa, Mumma, Laloo and others.

K~ washed the garden equipment with our bath soap and wiped them with our face towels without our knowledge until today morning. Today, I felt so exploited at the hands of my daughter thinking about the countless times I wiped my cheeks with that dirty piece of cloth unaware of the dirt contents it held.

Anyway, it was 3:30 pm and everyone felt hungry except K~. It was with great persuasion that she gobbled up a few casual morsels before introducing her pet toys to the new garden. Before closing her eyes that night, she sang a melodious lullaby to her new friend - Her Garden.

There is one observation I have made in the last five years, and it has been the same each time .... countless times and that is, K~'s strong affinity to informal toys that requires participation from her parents and friends. In the initial years of her life, she preferred playing with steel plates, bowls and spoons squatting over the kitchen floor while I cooked, she would crawl over to the heap of folded clothes and fold a few handkerchiefs while I would pick up the dried wash and many more such instances. The formal branded toys classified age wise could not even half stir her imagination as much as these daily household accessories.

It perhaps explains that very often when a child demands a toy, she actually demands attention and participation.

And this tendency does not change even when we grow up as matured adults. We yearn for assets to perhaps make up for something amiss in life which even we are not completely aware of .... we want to own a house to make up for lack of a happy home, we want to buy car to win happiness of traveling together, we flaunt expensive branded clothes to cover our lack of self-esteem and identity.......

The child in us never grows up!

Average Life Span of K~'s Mumma

Scene I

K~: Mumma, read me this animal book. Ai le! Dekho ismein kitney saarey Mumma bear aur Baby bear hain.

Mumma: OK. Bring it here K~. Hmmmm .... The first page is about average life span of animals .... i.e. how long do animals live ..... all animals ..... dogs, cats, bats etc. Do you want me to read it to you?

K~: Yes! Remember? Scappy died after 10 days we got her? So, do fish live only for 10 days?

Mumma: No. Scappy was sick and so she died. Anyway, ab tum suno.

Did you know that camels live for 12 years, cats for 12 years too. Elephants live for 40 years ..... and turtles live for as long as 100 years.

(After a few minutes .....)

K~: Mumma, how long do people live?

Mumma: People live for 75-80 years and we are called Humans. (I wasn't too sure of the answer myself. Ha Ha!)

K~: So, was Dida 80 years old when she died?

Mumma: No, she died in a car accident after getting hurt.

K~: Hmmmm .....

Scene II

(A few days later .... during one of the aimless, long highway car drives.)

Mumma: K~, do you love me? Say that you love me lots.

K~: Yes. I love you Mumma.

Mumma: Will you always love me? Even when I am 60 years old?

K~: Yes, Mumma.

Mumma: Will you take care of me when I become very old? Really really old ...... at 70 years? Will you feed me and put me to sleep every night? What will you cook for me?

K~: Yes, Mumma, I will! I will cook apple custard for you.

Mumma: Will you love me at 80 years?

K~: Yes, Mumma.

Mumma: At 90 years?

K~: But, Mumma, you will live only for 80 years after which you will die. Remember? The other day you said people live only for 80 years. Correct?

Mumma: Speechless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Ever heard of a worse Anti-Climax than this?)

Homoeopathy or Allopathy or Naturopathy or Ayurveda or Unani .......

Ever since I came into conscious existence, I have witnessed an endless debate over "Which form of medicine is superior?"

Well, I am not a qualified medical practitioner in any branch and therefore I really cannot recommend or prove any superiority of one form of medicine over the other .... and anyway that is not the intent of this post. But, I would like to share the gist of my own experiences as a student or single employed individual and finally as a mother responsible for her family.

I left home at a very young age of seventeen to join college. My mother believed very strongly in homoeopathy and it's safe results. In fact, my father shared the same trust with her and he made a little plastic medicine box for me with the tiny medicine drums labeled neatly and arranged alphabetically. I still have it with me amongst three other bulkier wooden boxes. To help me with a ready reference they stuck a note which listed the most common ailments along with the corresponding medicines. So, all I had to do was to open the box, read the page and administer the medicine on myself. It was such a life saviour and I remember treating myself of common cold, mild fever, nervous breakdown during exams, constipation, wounds/cuts and other stomach ailments without any doctor's help. I had also become sort of a quack amidst other hosteliers who would come to seek medical help from me.

But, it was not long before I discovered that there were occassions when I could not blindly rely on this little homoeo box and it helped to try out other form of medications. For instance, high fever, acute stomach infections, painful infected boils during summers, open wounds etc. were beyond homoeopathy. My body deserved an instant relief from high temperature through anti pyretics and analgesic allopath drugs, an open wound had to be stiched up to avoid scars and infection and the 9th loose motion within a span of 3 hours had to be attended to immediately or else the long term effects of such ailments could become irreversible.

I became a family person quite early in life due to an early marriage but K~ came along much later .... almost after 4 years. Nevertheless, after my hostel and job life, I enjoyed continuing my quack homoeo practice over my unsuspecting husband and trusting in-laws. I felt so important when my mom-in-law would ask me for medicines and my ego would be massaged when my sis-in-law would declare being treated through my medicines. I used to derive pleasure delivering homoeo lectures and describing my exaggearted success stories over the dinner table as a self proclaimed homoeo doc.

Enter K~ into my life and my scope for domestic homoeo practice increased. It felt good to treat K~ of her teething troubles, rashes, constipation and worms. But, I would never forget to consult K~'s paediatrician during acute ailments of high fever and loose motions. Bio-chemic combinations deserve a mention here because of their long term benefits. They are universally numbered and each number stands for a different set of symptoms. K~ benefitted greatly from No.8 making her teething a smooth affair without loose stools or fever, No. 5 & No. 6 keeping common cold infections and cough at bay and K~'s father is relieved of his digestion related troubles with No.25.

I am giving a link below which lists down these combinations along with the associated symptoms.

http://www.sblglobal.com/bichemics.html

I would like to summarise three key learnings made in the last few years:

Learning I: No form of medication can boast of a 100% success rate. Every doctor irrespective of his medical lineage will most certainly have failed cases to his credit, where his treatment would have failed to bear the desired results. A successful doctor in the public perception actually thrives on the word-of-mouth publicity done by his healed patients.

KEEP YOURSELF OPEN TO ANY AND EVERY FORM OF MEDICATION. DON'T BE FIXED!

Learning II: Homoeopathy and Allopathy actually complement each other making up for each other's limitations. Allopathic drugs treat the ailment while homoeopathic pills prevent it from recurring. If one was to consume allopathic medicines too often at every small occurence like an occassional watery nose, it kills the body's mechanism to fight diseases (Immunity). I see the kids around the worst affected ones. The child consuming too much of those coloured allopathic syrups gets caught in the vicious cycle of fever/cold/stomach infection ---> Anti-Biotic Medication ---> Lost Immunity and Weak Body ---> Vulnerable to Infections around ---> fever/cold/stomach infection. This cycle has to be broken somewhere .... we cannot create a safe atmosphere artificially by keeping the child's sick friends away or not sending her to school. The only key solution to the problem is building Immunity. And, homoeopathy goes a long way in doing that.

Having said that, one cannot risk the life of her child in certain cases like fever above 100 degrees F or constant loose motions. An immediate treatment is required in such cases and visiting the paediatrician is the safest bet. But, I have always waited for K~'s body to heal itself through homoeopathic medicines during cough, cold, mild fever or loose motions to the tune of 4-5 times/day. It requires patience and faith during these testing times. But, it has helped K~ in building resistance against the common infections even in the most vulnerable times like season change, playing with sick friends, getting packed off in the closed school van during winters with a bunch of coughing kids etc.

TREAT THE FIRST SYMPTOMS OF COMMON ILLNESS WITH HOMOEOPATHY AND PATIENCE. HOWEVER, DO NOT HESITATE TO TAKE ALLOPATHIC DRUGS IF IT WORSENS BUT FOLLOW IT UP WITH PREVENTIVE HOMOEO BIO-CHEMIC MEDICATION.

Learning III: I was unaware of the power of Ayurvedic herbs until I witnessed the successful healing of two chronic ailments in my family - Piles and Frozen Shoulder. Milk reduced by boiling crushed Ashwagandha twigs in it and consumed actually helps in relaxing the nerves and it's related problems like insomnia or frozen shoulder. Similarly, piles gets treated with ashes of coconut hair consumed with a cup of warm water.

WHEN EVERYTHING FAILS IN HEALING CHRONIC CONDITIONS, TRY AYURVEDIC OR NATUROPATHIC TREATMENTS.

However, the most important learning I have made is that a happy state of mind is the best defence mechanism of our body against all diseases. No amount of healthy food, body discipline or exercises can keep a family healthy if there is lack of love and care amongst it's members. More than the body tonics or religious discourses, they are the tight hugs, kisses and smiles that we share with our family and friends which keep us going a long way. The warm cuddle a child feels while sleeping, getting squeezed between a loving mom and dad and that soft motherly touch over her forehead is her best Immunity .... against any form of illness - related to body, mind or even soul. All stress related ailments can be combated with a daily self-catharsis or confessions made to an understanding partner.

Simple loving phrases indeed have magical powers to heal and preserve, especially if heart felt and each one of us should be saying and hearing them more often .... however senseless or irrelevant they might appear, for it is the ultimate medicine to all woes.