The other day, we met an acquaintance in a nearby Mall. The wife was relentless in forcing her kids to greet us. "Mannu, Auntie Uncle ko namastey bol nahi toh ek doongi!" It set me thinking ...
Do we really need to discipline children .... or even ourselves?
This issue crops up in my mind every now and then, especially when I see my peers achieving big successes and talk about their complying kids as a result of their efforts to discipline life. Let me confess, I am an absolute bunch of disorganised thoughts, unfinished tasks, hopelessly hyperactive and occasionally insane. Even after living almost half my life, earning that one grey strand of hair over my right ear, I have been anything but disciplined! I remember pasting Time-Table and Study Schedules all over my study table wall, being inspired by my sister who had been brilliant academically, but always failed to follow those schedules. I had become a laughing stock of my family with my inability to follow those self made time-tables, which got quoted in good humour, wherever possible. Once, I overheard Maa talking aloud to my maid, "Kesar, daal pisi rakhi hai teen dino se, jaldi se dhoop mein badi daal de, warna uska bhi kahin timpu ka time-table na ban jaaye!" (Both chuckling together at my expense!!)
Now, I could never ever manage to tame K~, being a slave of my own natural instincts. She slept, ate, learnt, played and even pooped whenever she felt like! There were countless times when everyone around me would snub me and blame me for my own miseries like waking up the entire night because K~ wanted to play, cook Aloo Parantha at 1 am in the night as K~ wanted to eat only then and just that, disrespecting Maa Saraswati when teaching K~ during potty time ..... the list could go on. But, I could never act upon their advice, however hard I tried! I found myself on the verge of Mental Breakdown, when K~ kept me awake for the first 6 months of her life .... everyday, without fail. Somehow, I could never learn to strictly make her do what I wanted, partially owing to my laziness too.
But, my inabilities made way for K~'s abilities, which I would like to share with you.
When her body system was left non-interfered, it chalked out a schedule on it's own. Strange it may sound, but K~'s poop-time is evening after having her evening snack and not morning, homework-time is right after she gets back from school even before eating lunch, which doesn't take more than 15 minutes at her age, bathing-time is 3:30 afternoon after her favourite TV programme ends and not before going to school, dinner-time is when she wants to play Snakes and Ladders which could be 7 pm or 8 pm or 9 pm, but always when she asks for food. I have realised that I save myself a lot of extra efforts to feed her, if she is self-motivated to eat. In an nutshell, her body has managed to create it's own schedule happily without that element of forced compliance.
My carelessness has forced her to be attentive and my ineptness has aroused her alertness. Just like my parent, I find her reminding me to cut my long nails, moisturise my dry feet and complete her pending Scrap Book. Probably, I kiss her and say "I Love You" a million times everyday to which she would sigh in response and say "Mumma, tumko kucch nahi aata. Bass sirf yehi yehi bolti rehti ho." The pleasure of getting coaxed by loved ones cannot be expressed in mere words!
There have been many occasions when I have lost my temper and scolded K~ in the heat of the moment .... thrashed her bottoms too .... but, my anger was never provoked by any sense to control and discipline my girl nor to make her concentrate on any task .... book .... even food and never ever to artificially inculcate hollow social values.
In winters, she hates taking a bath, which I have always respected. So, during the tough chill, I give her a bath every alternate day and not everyday, which perhaps helps her to stay away from cough and coryza in spite of getting exposed to sneezing feverish kids in school and during transport.
Well, I could never really discipline myself nor K~ .... just doused her with all my love, affection and blessings, countless times and unsought. In return, the Angels have always blessed her with happiness and learning while protecting her from illness.
I shall always believe that the language of Unconditional Love rather than Over Discipline creates happier children. It is more for the sake of our personal convenience and false egos than a child's benefit, that we push rules and regulations within our homes!!
Now, I could never ever manage to tame K~, being a slave of my own natural instincts. She slept, ate, learnt, played and even pooped whenever she felt like! There were countless times when everyone around me would snub me and blame me for my own miseries like waking up the entire night because K~ wanted to play, cook Aloo Parantha at 1 am in the night as K~ wanted to eat only then and just that, disrespecting Maa Saraswati when teaching K~ during potty time ..... the list could go on. But, I could never act upon their advice, however hard I tried! I found myself on the verge of Mental Breakdown, when K~ kept me awake for the first 6 months of her life .... everyday, without fail. Somehow, I could never learn to strictly make her do what I wanted, partially owing to my laziness too.
But, my inabilities made way for K~'s abilities, which I would like to share with you.
When her body system was left non-interfered, it chalked out a schedule on it's own. Strange it may sound, but K~'s poop-time is evening after having her evening snack and not morning, homework-time is right after she gets back from school even before eating lunch, which doesn't take more than 15 minutes at her age, bathing-time is 3:30 afternoon after her favourite TV programme ends and not before going to school, dinner-time is when she wants to play Snakes and Ladders which could be 7 pm or 8 pm or 9 pm, but always when she asks for food. I have realised that I save myself a lot of extra efforts to feed her, if she is self-motivated to eat. In an nutshell, her body has managed to create it's own schedule happily without that element of forced compliance.
My carelessness has forced her to be attentive and my ineptness has aroused her alertness. Just like my parent, I find her reminding me to cut my long nails, moisturise my dry feet and complete her pending Scrap Book. Probably, I kiss her and say "I Love You" a million times everyday to which she would sigh in response and say "Mumma, tumko kucch nahi aata. Bass sirf yehi yehi bolti rehti ho." The pleasure of getting coaxed by loved ones cannot be expressed in mere words!
There have been many occasions when I have lost my temper and scolded K~ in the heat of the moment .... thrashed her bottoms too .... but, my anger was never provoked by any sense to control and discipline my girl nor to make her concentrate on any task .... book .... even food and never ever to artificially inculcate hollow social values.
In winters, she hates taking a bath, which I have always respected. So, during the tough chill, I give her a bath every alternate day and not everyday, which perhaps helps her to stay away from cough and coryza in spite of getting exposed to sneezing feverish kids in school and during transport.
Well, I could never really discipline myself nor K~ .... just doused her with all my love, affection and blessings, countless times and unsought. In return, the Angels have always blessed her with happiness and learning while protecting her from illness.
I shall always believe that the language of Unconditional Love rather than Over Discipline creates happier children. It is more for the sake of our personal convenience and false egos than a child's benefit, that we push rules and regulations within our homes!!
Couldnt agree more. Thats what I do what Aryaman more or less.
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