Monday, November 30, 2009

परिवर्तन


गहन चिंतन में डूबी मै ....
सोचूँ क्या स्थाई और क्या अस्थाई?
दिन बदले रात में, ऋतु ले चार अंगडाई,
नाले बने नदी, जो गिरे समुद्र गहराई।
चंद्र से अमावस पूनम, बेटी बने पराई,
मित्र बने शत्रु तब अपरिचित से संग निभाई।
जीवन मरण में बंधी है यह सृष्टि सारी,
जिसे देखूं मै बनकर असहाई.

शोक न कर, तू आगे आगे बढे चल ....
यही नियम है, यही रहेगा, काल चक्र रहेगा घूमता,
तभी तो शम्भू नष्ट करता, जिसे ब्रह्मा मनन से बनाता।
बिछोह न हो तो कैसा प्रेम, दुःख बिन क्या सुख रुचेगा?
यह संसार न सोये रात में, तो दिन में कौन जागेगा?
दीपावली न होगी हर अमावास में , न ईद का चाँद रहेगा।
फूल न गिरे सूखकर, तो बीज कहाँ से निकलेगा?

पग न रुकें बस आज तुम्हारे ....
मुट्ठी खोलो, अतीत को छोडो, देखो आँखें खोलकर,
नई है उषा, नया है रास्ता, उठ जाओ चाहे ऊंघकर।
नयन रोते जिस दुःख पर तुम्हारे, वही बनाये जीवन सुखकर,
हृदय की वेदना को स्वीकारो हर्ष से, शेष होगा संताप वहीँ पर।
शूल बनेंगे फूल मन के, नए भविष्य को आता देखकर,
वर्तमान में बांधो हिम्मत उस एक इश्वर का स्मरण कर।
बस केवल इश्वर का स्मरण कर ....

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Ah! Spring is here ....



The spring comes here; I can sniff it in the air.

Ah! The bloom all around with His love and care.

This tiny bud sprouts, lurking in the backyard,

Having weathered the merciless chill ....


The winter was potent and the bud so shy,

Mighty frost gave way for her to grow on high.

She now shivers in a languid effort to blossom,

Into an enchanting floret over her weed's bosom.


Unsure yet assuring, so petrified yet sanguine,

Suggestive of the unstirred virginity of a fresh bloom.

Bathing in the warm sun, she shall remain unscathed,

Till a bee comes buzzing to procreate her ....

Saturday, November 28, 2009

To Rooch and Chonu .... With Love !


I have been blessed with many friends. They stand by me steadfast and accept me unconditionally. Including my flaws and occasional insanity. I owe each one of them their affection and help, unfazed by their own hardships in life.

But, I would like to mention about two very special mates of mine, who have actually impacted my inner self and influenced my personality and perspective on everything possible, good or bad (which is just a matter of opinion .... and they differ and change with time and situation ... Isn't it?). There is nothing .... absolutely nothing running common between the two and yet they stay together with me. I would like to dedicate this post to them.

About Chonu ....

Whenever I think of her, certain flashes run through my mind! The green tunic, red tie and green coat which made our Carmel Convent School uniform .... my Red Bicycle which graduated into the Black Kinetic Honda in Std.XII .... Amit Shukla Coaching Classes .... Section-A and Section-C .... canteen samosas .... combined studies .... her green LML Vespa and long highway drives through Mandideep to Bhojpur, our parents being unaware of it. She stands for Strength and Fearlessness and nothing could ever deter her from achieving what ever she wanted. It was the masculine side of her personality, if I may say so, that impressed me the most .... she started driving cars, jeeps, gear operated scooters at a very young age indeed and never indulged in the regular teenage girl talks - none of the regular beauty care, films, exam fever or BOYZZZZ!!

I learnt to face any tough situation heads-on from her. She always said, "It is never too late for anything!!!" and we stretched it a bit too far by not studying for exams until a day before. Ha Ha!

Today, she is a software professional, a lovely wife and a mother of a beautiful three year old daughter. She sails effortlessly from one role to other with the help of her extraordinary intelligence and supportive husband. She never has one free moment in hand .... multi tasking at any given point in time .... Cooking and driving while talking over the phone with her close pals, working on a presentation when feeding khichdi to her girl, taking her dog for a night stroll and attending an official conference call. If I was to live her hectic life even for a day, I am sure I'll land up in a mental asylum. She inspires me with the fact that no grief or happiness in life can be bigger than life itself .... the play shall go on uninterrupted with or without a few characters or scenes. So, don't stop midway .... always be on the move and carry on.

I have never witnessed a single weak moment in her life when she was unsure, desperate or unable to gather herself. There are times when she sounds harsh, cold and unresponsive to situations especially if they deal with human emotions. Perhaps, it is her way of dealing with things. Even today, when I meet her, I get infected with a fresh hope to live and smile !

God Bless You, Chonu! I may not say this often, but I do love you for being with me since childhood .... for carving out a sense of masculinity in me that helped me tremendously in my college experiences and early job days in Mumbai.

About Rooch ....

Mumbai local trains, cabs, a beautiful shared flat, films, marine drive, Aksa beach, Colaba Army Club overlooking the Arabian Sea, tough hotelier and a passion for relationships bordering madness are a few thoughts coming to me instantly when I think of her.

If Chonu symbolised masculinity, then Rooch definitely spoke aloud of femininity .... in every manner possible .... disposition, taste, attitude and looks. A "Miss Ahmedabad" first runner up to the very famous Nethra Raghuraman, who had actually won the title, Rooch is a jaw dropping beauty with immense talent. Her entry into my life has been very subtle yet deep and destiny brought us together, time and again. Initially, I did not regard her very highly due to my pre-conceived notions about girls attending beauty contests and talking so freely on repressed topics. Romance, sex and men used to be her daily discussion fodder, be it the lockers, cafeteria or dinner table. I would simply observe her in a detached manner. It was only after we were put together to share accommodation in Jaipur followed by Mumbai that I experienced the real Rooch.

Rooch is made of dreams - living in her fantasy world perfumed with timeless innocence and love towards one and all! Even the scariest of personal experiences and most unfortunate life events could not manage to kill the goodness dwelling inside her.

She displays great skills of verbal and written expressions and more often than not, outdid her entire batch while giving formal presentations or articulately handling her seniors and bosses. She takes finesse in her stride and carries a natural ease even while talking to Ratan Tata. Nothing can overwhelm her. A great performer at whatever she did, she managed to impress each one around her with her subtle intelligence and diligence.

But, she has always been a slave of emotions and continues to be so, even today. Her heart always ruled her mind pushing her destiny to extreme limits of happiness and grief. Life could never remain normal, balanced or mundane to her. There had to be a disruption every now and then to keep her alive .... That's her!

I learnt the relevance of feelings and deep human emotions from her .... something that distinguishes us humans from animals. Nothing was ever planned in her life .... marriage, profession, finances nor her four year old son. Countless times, I have seen her giving away her most prized possessions even to the strangest of acquaintance on their slightest request. She has a lion's heart and has suffered at the hands of undeserving individuals on many occasions.

She evoked a sense of femininity in me .... changed my outlook towards society and its set norms. She matured my views and liberated my thinking and living. She made me realise that harming other fellow beings through malicious words and actions was a worse offence than enjoying a glass of vodka and singing a soulful song.

Rooch, May God bless you and shower you with all the happiness and love you could ever wish for. May you always remain noble at heart and kind in actions and words. May the Almighty give you enough mental strength to be able to sustain your intense emotions without getting hurt ever.

Apart from my parents and experiences who shaped me into whatever I am today, you two have become indispensable to my living.

Today, I pray to the Almighty that may we live and age in togetherness forever!!!

Let us raise a toast to friendship and happiness .... Cheers!

Friday, November 27, 2009

Be Born ....

At one in the night, when the breath is slow,
I enjoy this dream to live and grow.
In this silence and darkness,
I feel a voice within ....
"Gestation is over, you are compete.
Time to push hard, my dear.
Be born into this world,
Impatient to hear your first cry.
Your progeny has borne you for long,
Nourishing you with her last drop of blood.
The chance to indemnify is here,
Arise; break free from the umbilical cord.
May your lungs breathe till infinity,
Your feet tread upon endless miles,
To prove worthy of the womb that carries you."
I wake up once again,
To this strange yet kindling voice,
Sustaining my labour.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Meera Bai - Reaching God through Love


Mhara Re Giridhar Gopal, Doosra Na Koya.
Mhara Re Giridhar Gopal, Doosra Na Koya.
Sadhu Sakal Lok Chhodya, Doosra Na Koya.
Mhara Re ....

-1-
Bhai Chhadya, Bandhu Chhadya, Chhadya Saga Soya,
Sadhu Sang Baith Baith Lok-Laaj Khoya.
Mhara Re ....

-2-
Bhagat Dekhya Raaji Hoya, Lagat Dekh Roya,
Doodh Math Ghrit Kaadh Layo, Daar Gaya Chhoya.
Mhara Re ....
(Below is the link to this soulful bhajan which I listen to quite often:
...............................................................................

The above lines carry the essence of true devotion for Lord Krishna which made Meera Bai immortal on earth and worthy of heaven.


In the first stanza, she wants to express her utter grief over being grossly misunderstood by each one around her. She detaches herself from her siblings, friends, family and relatives to find solace amidst sadhus or the true devotees of God only to be mocked and defamed by fellow beings. She then lead a life of self-imposed exile to devote herself completely to her Lord Krishna, singing, dancing and offering prayers to Him. She also referred to Lord Krishna as her divine husband and faced the wrath of her family and society when she expressed her inability to accept Rana ji as her mortal husband.


The second stanza is laced with hope and happiness unlike the first one, where she says that the sight of an innocent devotee pleases her whereas the company of hollow materialistic beings hurt her very soul. She has churned the butter from milk and discarded the rest - The essence of love has been taken and the rest has been thrown away. What a worthy example and simple way of saying that she has felt the highest form of love for her Giridhar where the immortal souls merged leaving the casual bodies and mind behind. It is the soul that shall exist till eternity when the rest elements of body, mind, intellect and heart will attain new identities with each new human birth.


Meera Bai was a highly elevated divine person with a unique approach towards attaining the Supreme. It was the path of love she chose over the most commonly preferred means like meditation, fasting and knowledge. It requires maturity and deep understanding, perhaps beyond mortal comprehension to truly experience the gist of her love for Krishna.


What was the sole cause for her undying love for the Divine?


How was she able to break free from the pulls of Maya just on the basis of this divine love?


How was she able to experience the highest state of Bliss through a mute statue of Krishna?


How did her soul overpower her mental, physical and emotional needs?


I have found myself pondering over these questions quite often! I have always been enticed by the manifestation of God through human emotions and Meera Bai is the most convincing example of the same. I have tried to write about it in one of my earlier posts which can be read at http://fairytalesandbedtimestories.blogspot.com/2009/09/about-god.html


Anyway, coming back to the questions mentioned above .....

I feel all paths seeking HIM have one thing in common apart from the destination itself - losing the Ego. In my personal opinion, the ego comprises of our earthly identity, our perceptions, pride and physical body. One of the first steps that any Yogi takes towards finding God is to dissolve this Ego. Whereas, when we as humans experience True Love, this happens automatically! We lose our identity and find ourselves one with the Beloved. Thereon, nothing seems to affect the mind or body .... no pain, pleasure, sorrow, disappointment, desire or even fear. Mere humans achieve the highest state of Detachment that even the toughest of Yogis yearn for! When the Ego ceases to be, all physical and emotional needs die their natural death.


In my little understanding, perhaps, this is what Meera could have experienced. She was able to reach God through the very human emotions of unconditional love and undying devotion. It did not affect Meera Bai that her love for a seemingly lifeless statue, whom she fondly referred to as her Only Husband could not respond to her prayers of love, appreciate her holy dance offerings nor consummate the divine union physically .... for such expressions become meaningless when their ultimate purpose is achieved beforehand, and that is Union of the Souls!


She was able to attain the divine, living in this very human world, performing all worldly duties of a wife, daughter-in-law and a rajput queen! She was a true queen of the masses and rules our hearts and minds to this day.


Who ever said that the human emotions are obstacles to divine goals?



Monday, November 23, 2009

The pleasure of reading a Book

It is 11:30 am and most of my household chores are over. K~ is expected to come back from school in another 2 hours from now.
OK, let me read something light .... "Paromita" by Sumathi Sudhakar seems good. A little green 70 paged book .... plot belongs to the 19th century in a sleepy village of West Bengal where a little girl rebels against a society that seeks her blind submission. Good read, I guess !
I dust the white plastic chair and place it in the warm sunlight beside the sitting room door. Ummmm .... I think I will need a foot rest too .... so, here is a wooden stool to perch my legs up while reading.
So ... Page 1, Preface ....
Something is still missing .... Aha! A bowl of Haldiram's Aloo bhujiya .... let me help myself. The book is in my right hand and the bhujia bowl on my left, the contents of which I lap with my tongue every now and then, breaking all rules of civilised human behaviour where one is supposed to use a spoon or at least fingers while eating. But, I prefer the feline behaviour over human and very soon lick the bhujia bowl clean.
I lose myself to this book .... deeper and deeper and I am lost!!!!!!!!!
I am Paromita now. I am living her life, smiles and struggles. I cease to be the true Me and so do all My true troubles and happiness.
Sheer Bliss!!!
.................................................................................
Talk about the pleasures of reading a book! I fondly recall my childhood when I would spend hours on reading story books. I howled in tears when atrocities were performed on Uncle Tom in the book "Uncle Tom's Cabin", I bit my nails each time when Nancy Drew, Poirot and The Famous Five were at the peak of solving a mystery and would laugh madly while reading "Eleven Stories for Boys and Girls". I also remember choking in tears while reading "Autobiography of a Yogi" by Paramahansa Yoganand ji where he has described his first experience of Super Consciousness through a beautiful poem getting enticed into the idea of becoming a nun at the YSS. Ah! The innocent childhood days. My mind would take me into an entirely different world.
My mother used to be worried for me and my future. She would keep coaxing me into studying my school books but my heart would still lie in stories and poems and almost all copies ... Maths, History, Geography .... all had a few lines composed by me scribbled at the back. I would get lost into my very own fantasy world even while listening to Math, Physics, History lectures at school ... trying to rhyme lines, imagine story plots and relishing a few thoughts from the last book I read a day before. Who cares about a boring lecture on Inorganic Chemistry .... will study on my own when exams would knock .... not right now! LOL
Books indeed influenced my childhood and early teens before I left home in 1995, after which I simply lost touch with reading. A maddening job schedule, family and raising a kid affected my time and interest to read books.
I have recently re-discovered relishing books and I promise I shall never lose sight of it this time.
Missed you, my dear friend!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Confessions of a Blogger Mom ....

The other day a very close friend of mine gave me a distress call .....
"My husband closely follows your blog and thinks I need to modify my interaction with my child. It hurt me somewhere .... knowing that I have always tried my best ..... Sorry to talk to you about all this! But, I just could not hold myself."
I felt conscience-stricken because proving my motherly qualities over someone else has never been my motive. While writing this blog, my sole objective is to record soul-stirring and interesting incidents related to K~'s development while relishing the participation and encouragement of my close friends and associates through their comments.
I have a few sincere confessions to make in this regard ...
I am not a special mother nor is K~ a special kid. Each mother is special in her own right and has a distinct style to raise her own kids. The incidents I write on this blog happen in every home .... the efforts to make her kid learn through games, puzzles and books are made by every Mom .... each child is unique with her own set of gifted creative traits ..... if only we have the time and affinity to appreciate both!
My father keeps quoting a very learned scholar who said very often "Ku-Putra (unworthy son) exist for sure but mankind is yet to witness a Ku-Mata (unworthy mother)." I have deep respect for all mothers because nature has gifted each one of them with the divine qualities to create, nourish and preserve.
So, it would be very unfair to challenge any woman with regard to her motherly abilities based on the readings of this blog. It could be her lack of time and interest to write long passages rather than lack of interest in motherly duties.
Every woman has her own moments of weakness when lack of self-esteem and self-worth overtake her parental emotions. Each woman fondly recalls her carefree days when she cherished a better visible identity .... earning money and enjoying status. All women will have some amount of pent up anger by the evening having weathered countless nights without sleep while being nagged relentlessly through the entire day!
I remember July 2005 when K~ was just a year old and no longer could I cope with a domesticated life. In a desperate attempt to win back my lost identity, I joined an ITC hotel and resumed work. I would throw a tearful K~ every morning into the arms of a bundelkhandi maid and dart off to work on my scooter. K~ would keep missing me every moment. My maid would call me up every day at office with K~ wanting to hear my voice. K~ could not even speak then! She would whine and cry clutching on to the receiver saying "Maa Maa, Maa Maa ......" and I would choke with tears yet wanting to live an independent life which gave me enough motivation to continue working for a year before I realised I was hurting myself by not taking good care of my girl. The recognition I wanted to earn came at a very heavy price .... loss of my involvement in the formative years of my baby. K~ started communicating in pure bundelkhandi language for that was the language of her maid ..... she would talk aloud to me in her tone - "Mumma, itain aao .... utain na jaao!" K~ stopped eating well .... looked pale and I then decided to call it quits to my job! And today, I am happy I made that decision. I might have been emotionally foolish to get so much affected by the happenings, but K~ deserved my love and care in entirety!
Then, I remember when K~ was hardly two months old, I cursed her very often .... and I meant every word when I said "K~, I really wish you were not born. I would have been spared of the last 60 sleepless nights, physical pain and lack of time and will to be with your dad" ..... and the list of bad things would go on! I realised I had not matured as a person myself before K~ was born.
I thank my friends for closely reading this blog requesting them not to glorify my role as a mother for I am as ordinary yet special just like any and many mothers you have known and cherished this lifetime!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The silent sufferings of Web Marketing!

Have you ever noticed the advertisement links that appear while you read and write emails on Gmail? Do your eyes ever stray to the pictures and commercials on the right side while viewing photos on FaceBook? Did you trash the matrimonial and dating messages on your Rediff and Hotmail Inbox today?

You are lucky if you haven't! You have been spared from a few embarrassing moments. You don't believe me? Read on ....

The other day, I uploaded few pictures on FB, the popular social networking website. The album was titled "Moo/Shoo .... Missing you guys!" in fond remembrance of India visit of my Brother/Sister-in-Law. Lo and Behold! A beautiful girl appeared flaunting her smooth limbs selling permanent Hair Removal Solutions along with hot Lingerie displays and finally a link to Gurgaon Singles Club .... all appearing on the right side of the page. Good Heavens!

Then, I remember exchanging a series of mails over Gmail with a plain acquaintance updating him with latest news from my end like my mother's sad demise 5 years back and me quitting work and likewise. Amidst the strictly formal sentences of the mails, I could read hilarious Ad link prompts on the right such as "Love Aaj Kal songs", "An answer to your lonely heart?", "Love poems and Romantic lines free download". I became jittery feeling a hot flush over my forehead and it compelled me to re-read the string of mails just to make sure my language was not too mushy hinting at an unintended intimacy between the lines. Jeez!

And this last one walks away with the cake ....

My father was visiting me a few days back and asked me to check his mailbox after misplacing his spectacles. I logged in to witness at least 4-5 mails with ridiculous subject lines .... "Hi shivendra98, waiting for your dream date?" .... "Dear shivendra98, find your soulmate today!" and the last one had me hit the roof with my trademarked hysterical laughter ...."Hi shivendra98! Want to make it LONG and STRONG?" and I teased Baba relentlessly about it! Imagine an elderly senior citizen like him who has always been respectfully addressed as Dasgupta ji, aged 72 years, a widower for the last 5 years having lost his wife in a tragic road accident getting such trash mails with a completely bizarre identity shivendra98.

I am really curious about the functioning of Web Marketing Services. The success criteria of any Advert or Promotion lies in reaching to the correct Market Segment at the most appropriate time. I mean, why is it so difficult to avoid sending a Matrimonial Ad to a 72 year old person when he fills up his birthday as mandatory info while registering on the website? Why have the Google crawlers been blindly programmed to prompt senseless Ad Links just on the basis of a few words getting repeated during a conversation? Needless to mention the discomfort one faces when irrelevant mails clog his Inbox. Does anyone monitor the effectiveness of such Marketing methods?

Anyway, the brighter side to the story is that such instances do tickle the funny bone of jobless and bored individuals like me while providing enough gas to continue writing my blog .....

Monday, November 16, 2009

K~ and her little Corner Garden


K~ wanted a new toy. Something that she could play with everyday without ever getting bored of it. I could not think of any such evergreen toy and ignored her request to be forgotten by her short-lived memory.


Last Sunday morning, after buying the weekly groceries .... stock of vegetables, cereals and pulses, dairy, meat products amongst many other things, we returned to the car and I was surprised at K~'s dad steering the car to a different direction away from home. I kept guessing about the destination before being welcomed by a roadside Plant Nursery. It sure was a pleasure to see the red poinsettias, croutons, zerberas, lilies and many many more seasonal flowers stacked neatly in long rows.


Hmmm .... I get it! This was K~'s toy .... the toy request she made that morning. Good thought K~'s dad ..... so far so good! We bought a kilo of compost, trowel, spade, weeder and watering can for the gardening equipment and flocks and petunia for the flower plants along with some more seasonal flower seeds. The entire thing costed Rs.300/- and I felt good at spending this amount on a creative activity like Gardening rather than buying a Barbie Toy House at almost double the price.


K~ was mad with joy on seeing her gardening equipment and the little plants. She wanted a special corner for her plants and her garden which would ban Laloo Maali from applying his gardening expertise- atleast in her piece of land! K~ and Papa spent the entire afternoon digging up the garden patch and de-weeding it. I wish I could share the excitement in K~'s voice when she was teaching Papa how to do the task. Soon, a neat flower bed emerged with compost soil mixed well and seeds planted along with other flowering plants in the backdrop.


K~ in all her excitement tripped over and fell twice while watering the entire garden at least thrice with her new watering can. K~ demanded a garden fence and a name board to let everyone know that she was the owner of the garden. So, a thermo-foam piece was pasted on a wooden stick with her name written on it and twigs were planted around her flower bed to keep away stray creatures like Papa, Mumma, Laloo and others.


K~ washed the garden equipment with our bath soap and wiped them with our face towels without our knowledge until today morning. Today, I felt so exploited at the hands of my daughter thinking about the countless times I wiped my cheeks with that dirty piece of cloth unaware of the dirt contents it held.


Anyway, it was 3:30 pm and everyone felt hungry except K~. It was with great persuasion that she gobbled up a few casual morsels before introducing her pet toys to the new garden. Before closing her eyes that night, she sang a melodious lullaby to her new friend - Her Garden.

There is one observation I have made in the last five years, and it has been the same each time .... countless times and that is, K~'s strong affinity to informal toys that requires participation from her parents and friends. In the initial years of her life, she preferred playing with steel plates, bowls and spoons squatting over the kitchen floor while I cooked, she would crawl over to the heap of folded clothes and fold a few handkerchiefs while I would pick up the dried wash and many more such instances. The formal branded toys classified age wise could not even half stir her imagination as much as these daily household accessories.


It perhaps explains that very often when a child demands a toy, she actually demands attention and participation.


And this tendency does not change even when we grow up as matured adults. We yearn for assets to perhaps make up for something amiss in life which even we are not completely aware of .... we want to own a house to make up for lack of a happy home, we want to buy car to win happiness of traveling together, we flaunt expensive branded clothes to cover our lack of self-esteem and identity.......


The child in us never grows up!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Average Life Span of K~'s Mumma

Scene I

K~: Mumma, read me this animal book. Ai le! Dekho ismein kitney saarey Mumma bear aur Baby bear hain.

Mumma: OK. Bring it here K~. Hmmmm .... The first page is about average life span of animals .... i.e. how long do animals live ..... all animals ..... dogs, cats, bats etc. Do you want me to read it to you?

K~: Yes! Remember? Scappy died after 10 days we got her? So, do fish live only for 10 days?

Mumma: No. Scappy was sick and so she died. Anyway, ab tum suno.

Did you know that camels live for 12 years, cats for 12 years too. Elephants live for 40 years ..... and turtles live for as long as 100 years.

(After a few minutes .....)

K~: Mumma, how long do people live?

Mumma: People live for 75-80 years and we are called Humans. (I wasn't too sure of the answer myself. Ha Ha!)

K~: So, was Dida 80 years old when she died?

Mumma: No, she died in a car accident after getting hurt.

K~: Hmmmm .....

Scene II

(A few days later .... during one of the aimless, long highway car drives.)

Mumma: K~, do you love me? Say that you love me lots.

K~: Yes. I love you Mumma.

Mumma: Will you always love me? Even when I am 60 years old?

K~: Yes, Mumma.

Mumma: Will you take care of me when I become very old? Really really old ...... at 70 years? Will you feed me and put me to sleep every night? What will you cook for me?

K~: Yes, Mumma, I will! I will cook apple custard for you.

Mumma: Will you love me at 80 years?

K~: Yes, Mumma.

Mumma: At 90 years?

K~: But, Mumma, you will live only for 80 years after which you will die. Remember? The other day you said people live only for 80 years. Correct?

Mumma: Speechless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Ever heard of a worse Anti-Climax than this?)

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Homoeopathy or Allopathy or Naturopathy or Ayurveda or Unani .......

Ever since I came into conscious existence, I have witnessed an endless debate over "Which form of medicine is superior?"



Well, I am not a qualified medical practitioner in any branch and therefore I really cannot recommend or prove any superiority of one form of medicine over the other .... and anyway that is not the intent of this post. But, I would like to share the gist of my own experiences as a student or single employed individual and finally as a mother responsible for her family.





I left home at a very young age of seventeen to join college. My mother believed very strongly in homoeopathy and it's safe results. In fact, my father shared the same trust with her and he made a little plastic medicine box for me with the tiny medicine drums labeled neatly and arranged alphabetically. I still have it with me amongst three other bulkier wooden boxes. To help me with a ready reference they stuck a note which listed the most common ailments along with the corresponding medicines. So, all I had to do was to open the box, read the page and administer the medicine on myself. It was such a life saviour and I remember treating myself of common cold, mild fever, nervous breakdown during exams, constipation, wounds/cuts and other stomach ailments without any doctor's help. I had also become sort of a quack amidst other hosteliers who would come to seek medical help from me.




But, it was not long before I discovered that there were occassions when I could not blindly rely on this little homoeo box and it helped to try out other form of medications. For instance, high fever, acute stomach infections, painful infected boils during summers, open wounds etc. were beyond homoeopathy. My body deserved an instant relief from high temperature through anti pyretics and analgesic allopath drugs, an open wound had to be stiched up to avoid scars and infection and the 9th loose motion within a span of 3 hours had to be attended to immediately or else the long term effects of such ailments could become irreversible.




I became a family person quite early in life due to an early marriage but K~ came along much later .... almost after 4 years. Nevertheless, after my hostel and job life, I enjoyed continuing my quack homoeo practice over my unsuspecting husband and trusting in-laws. I felt so important when my mom-in-law would ask me for medicines and my ego would be massaged when my sis-in-law would declare being treated through my medicines. I used to derive pleasure delivering homoeo lectures and describing my exaggearted success stories over the dinner table as a self proclaimed homoeo doc.



Enter K~ into my life and my scope for domestic homoeo practice increased. It felt good to treat K~ of her teething troubles, rashes, constipation and worms. But, I would never forget to consult K~'s paediatrician during acute ailments of high fever and loose motions. Bio-chemic combinations deserve a mention here because of their long term benefits. They are universally numbered and each number stands for a different set of symptoms. K~ benefitted greatly from No.8 making her teething a smooth affair without loose stools or fever, No. 5 & No. 6 keeping common cold infections and cough at bay and K~'s father is relieved of his digestion related troubles with No.25.



I am giving a link below which lists down these combinations along with the associated symptoms.


http://www.sblglobal.com/bichemics.html



I would like to summarise three key learnings made in the last few years:


Learning I: No form of medication can boast of a 100% success rate. Every doctor irrespective of his medical lineage will most certainly have failed cases to his credit, where his treatment would have failed to bear the desired results. A successful doctor in the public perception actually thrives on the word-of-mouth publicity done by his healed patients.


KEEP YOURSELF OPEN TO ANY AND EVERY FORM OF MEDICATION. DON'T BE FIXED!


Learning II: Homoeopathy and Allopathy actually complement each other making up for each other's limitations. Allopathic drugs treat the ailment while homoeopathic pills prevent it from recurring. If one was to consume allopathic medicines too often at every small occurence like an occassional watery nose, it kills the body's mechanism to fight diseases (Immunity). I see the kids around the worst affected ones. The child consuming too much of those coloured allopathic syrups gets caught in the vicious cycle of fever/cold/stomach infection ---> Anti-Biotic Medication ---> Lost Immunity and Weak Body ---> Vulnerable to Infections around ---> fever/cold/stomach infection. This cycle has to be broken somewhere .... we cannot create a safe atmosphere artificially by keeping the child's sick friends away or not sending her to school. The only key solution to the problem is building Immunity. And, homoeopathy goes a long way in doing that.


Having said that, one cannot risk the life of her child in certain cases like fever above 100 degrees F or constant loose motions. An immediate treatment is required in such cases and visiting the paediatrician is the safest bet. But, I have always waited for K~'s body to heal itself through homoeopathic medicines during cough, cold, mild fever or loose motions to the tune of 4-5 times/day. It requires patience and faith during these testing times. But, it has helped K~ in building resistance against the common infections even in the most vulnerable times like season change, playing with sick friends, getting packed off in the closed school van during winters with a bunch of coughing kids etc.


TREAT THE FIRST SYMPTOMS OF COMMON ILLNESS WITH HOMOEOPATHY AND PATIENCE. HOWEVER, DO NOT HESITATE TO TAKE ALLOPATHIC DRUGS IF IT WORSENS BUT FOLLOW IT UP WITH PREVENTIVE HOMOEO BIO-CHEMIC MEDICATION.


Learning III: I was unaware of the power of Ayurvedic herbs until I witnessed the successful healing of two chronic ailments in my family - Piles and Frozen Shoulder. Milk reduced by boiling crushed Ashwagandha twigs in it and consumed actually helps in relaxing the nerves and it's related problems like insomnia or frozen shoulder. Similarly, piles gets treated with ashes of coconut hair consumed with a cup of warm water.


WHEN EVERYTHING FAILS IN HEALING CHRONIC CONDITIONS, TRY AYURVEDIC OR NATUROPATHIC TREATMENTS.



However, the most important learning I have made is that a happy state of mind is the best defence mechanism of our body against all diseases. No amount of healthy food, body discipline or exercises can keep a family healthy if there is lack of love and care amongst it's members. More than the body tonics or religious discourses, they are the tight hugs, kisses and smiles that we share with our family and friends which keep us going a long way. The warm cuddle a child feels while sleeping, getting squeezed between a loving mom and dad and that soft motherly touch over her forehead is her best Immunity .... against any form of illness - related to body, mind or even soul. All stress related ailments can be combated with a daily self-catharsis or confessions made to an understanding partner.


Simple loving phrases indeed have magical powers to heal and preserve, especially if heart felt and each one of us should be saying and hearing them more often .... however senseless or irrelevant they might appear, for it is the ultimate medicine to all woes.










Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Visit to the Zakheera Slums

Last weekend, we made a visit to the Zakheera slums of Delhi. For the first time, K~ experienced poverty and pitiful living conditions of the poor slum dwellers around her which she was unaware of .... blissfully ignorant of an entirely different world that runs parallel to her beautiful and secure life. A world full of scarcity, illness and vulnerability affecting each one dwelling within it, across all ages and genders. By the grace of the Almighty, K~ has never experienced hunger, thirst, untreated illness or malnourishment, mental and physical abuse nor lack of social and academic opportunities.
K~ with her nascent mental understanding could not empathise with this poverty and hunger and I consciously chose not to artificially induce the virtues of humanity in her through any of my sermon tinged words nor forced actions. I simply kept listening, not reacting to her spiteful comments which were aplenty .... " Tch Tch, it is such a horrible stink!" or "What a dirty school! I will never ever study at a place like this. Bacchon ne nahaya tak nahi hai .... aur uss ladki ki nosey beh rahi hai."

After a little while, she refused to walk through the dirty lanes and was bothered with the stench, flies and dust, climbing on to her father's shoulders with a bothered facial expression. I guess, it was a far cry from the air conditioned malls, bedroom, car and school where everything is so comfortable and happy.

Many NGOs exist, both big and small scale, functioning in Delhi working for the up liftment of these areas but only few have been able to make a difference. Those few have indulged in path breaking field work, mobilised the community, exploited the government infrastructure for the benefit of all, ensured fair utilisation of funds rather than hollow lip service, publishing exaggerated Annual Reports and boring Magazines or organize Page 3 celebrity visits in the name of Fund Raising!

K~'s father has been fortunate enough to start his career with one such NGO called Pratham, which has done some serious work making a difference in the lives of thousands of underprivileged children.

Presently, my intention of writing this blog post is not to comment on the working of NGOs nor enlighten the readers about the harsh realities of our nation. I am not even academically qualified or experientially equipped to do so. I would simply like to record K~'s first brush with the poor colonies and recall my early experiences.

There had been enough opportunities for me to witness the budding informal education centres for the slum kids in the past. K~'s father started his career with this NGO, of which he was one of the founding members of the Delhi chapter. I remember visiting the boot polish wallah kids of Nizamuddin Railway Station on my off days and sitting through teacher staff Baalwadi meetings with K~'s dad. Let me confess, I did not do this out of any sense of philanthropy but to be in the company of my newly married husband instead of staying alone at home waiting for him to return only by the evening which would have ended soon enough to make way for another hectic week to begin again! Whatever the reason be, I always found the informal working of NGOs quite interesting and meaningful as a sharp contrast to the stiff and formal corporate workplace of mine. These visits rejuvenated my mind smelling like a whiff of fresh air!
The last decade gone by has transformed each one of us .... for the good and otherwise. Now, K~'s father works as a consultant in the tight corporate clutches .... gone are the carefree NGO days making way for huge responsibilities to be shouldered. If I was to sit back and think, there have been so many reasons for this metamorphosis in him .... an urge to avenge the society which stamped him "Finished" when he was unable to get selected in any of the Engineering Entrance Exams or earn a decent white-collared job for himself, also a yearning for a higher Self-Esteem through a steady career growth and finally relieve me of my hectic work schedule to take care of the new born K~.
The years gone by has affected my status in the family too, from being the chief bread-winner to a low profile member working behind the scenes .... domestic tasks, being with K~ all through her growth stages and helping her father out with his entrepreneurial desires. I do not have any regrets about it because K~ will be our only child and deserves every bit of attention in her formative years. But, it has definitely changed the flavour of my persona from being active to solitary.
Win some and Lose some .... will always be the established ultimate truth, I guess!
This visit to the Zakheera slums transported me ten years back and I wish to re-live those moments of bliss and togetherness with my family. I might sound naive in saying but I would still do - Fifteen years from now, I would like my husband to quit whatever he would be doing then and simply start life afresh .... doing meaningful things .... just the way we had started ten years back .... in some unknown place .... perhaps farming with the help of some locals thereby generating employment for them and teaching their kids .... away from the public glare and professional networking .... instead truly connecting with the hearts of the needy .... without any vested interests.
Fifteen years from now, K~ would be living her own life (perhaps without us) and we would find comfort in helping the tiny underprivileged K~s with their education and basic needs. It might not be anything big scale but if I am able to serve even a handful of the needy, it would give me tremendous satisfaction in the dusk of my life and as they say .....
ALL IS WELL THAT ENDS WELL!



Thursday, November 5, 2009

K~ : About Potty and Learning ....

My baby girl is still an undergraduate...on the W.C. pot I mean!

Her bowels refuse to slide down, even by an inch, if she is not seated over her tiny and elegant potty. The blue plastic pot is privileged enough to serve her for almost four years now and still goes strong. Don't be deceived by the humble looks, for it has traveled places far and wide, riding planes, trains and cars.

An integral part of our family, it has witnessed my daughter’s learning phases – all of them. My kid is most attentive when perched upon her plastic blue throne. Her mind is focused on what her mom does with books, toys or hands. I have been able to utilize this 15-20 minute period to make her learn a few things over the last four years. It is delightful to see my little girl, sit in complete silence with a frown and fixed gaze. She is in complete mental and physical submission to me.

It all began one hot summer afternoon when she was a little over two years. My girl was in pain while passing a hard stool after a two-day constipation spell. I struggled hard to distract her attention and began singing and enacting a high-pitched Hindi song "Lakdi ki kaathi, kaathi pe ghoda..". She stopped crying and became quiet. Much to my astonishment, she learnt the first two lines of the song. In no time, she also got rid of the hard bowels without being conscious of the pain.

The next day, I sat with her again...this time with some soft-bound tiny alphabet, number and thing books. She loved it!

Later on, I played with block alphabets - A, B, C. She learnt them in no time.  I became more adventurous each time. Over the last four years, there have been countless learning and fun activities. In fact, my baby girl has learnt alphabets, numbers, puzzles (join the dots, maze, and match the following), coloring - all during potty time. And more recently, I also helped her with some basic Math and Reading.

It gives me immense satisfaction to list down the specifics:

Counting and Abacus: Counting from 1 to 100 and then reverse from 100 to 1 with the help of a number chart. I remember her getting stuck at 90/80/70/60, forcing her little brain to go backwards as 89/79/69/59 respectively. Abacus was particularly helpful to demonstrate the concept of units/tens/hundred to her.

Addition and Subtraction: We would add and subtract numbers within 20, using our hands. In fact, it became more fun while doing it mentally. It also helped me in building the concept of Zero. I would raise my ten fingers in the air and ask her, “Tell me, if I were to remove zero fingers from ten, how many would remain?” and "Now tell me, if I take out all ten fingers from ten, how many would remain?” She would keep staring at my opening and closing fist. Her tiny brain would process and give answers.

Reading: This happened on the day when I was feeling low and disinterested...happens when left at the mercy of hormonal roller coaster. My girl sensed it and asked me a simple question, “Mom, what is written here?” She was pointing at the newspaper title – “Times of India” I read it aloud and she poked me further. “This begins with the letter T – Times. Right? Read more,” Thus, she pulled me into Phonetics - A makes the sound ‘Ae’, B sounds as ‘Ba’ and Z as ‘Za’. We did it together for months. We would read just about anything and everything - magazines, books, newspaper pamphlets, and menu cards.

It was ‘happy faces’ coupled with ‘easy feces’!

I learnt there is no time or place for learning, or even teaching. My kid displayed an urge to learn well during potty time and I picked up the cue. And, whatever little that we do during these 15-20 minutes every day makes it easy to grasp school lessons.  I assure my daughter that she can remain associated with her blue plastic friend for as long as she wants. To the extent that I don’t mind making it a part of her marriage dowry.

LONG LIVE THE BLUE POTTY! 

SALUTE POTTY-LEARNING!

The small town girl with big dreams (IWH Feature)

Glad to be featured on IWH - Indian Women in Hospitality , a platform for the Indian Women working in the Hospitality industry across the ...