Confessions of a Blogger Mom ....

The other day a very close friend of mine gave me a distress call .....

"My husband closely follows your blog and thinks I need to modify my interaction with my child. It hurt me somewhere .... knowing that I have always tried my best ..... Sorry to talk to you about all this! But, I just could not hold myself."

I felt conscience-stricken because proving my motherly qualities over someone else has never been my motive. While writing this blog, my sole objective is to record soul-stirring and interesting incidents related to K~'s development while relishing the participation and encouragement of my close friends and associates through their comments.

I have a few sincere confessions to make in this regard ...

I am not a special mother nor is K~ a special kid. Each mother is special in her own right and has a distinct style to raise her own kids. The incidents I write on this blog happen in every home .... the efforts to make her kid learn through games, puzzles and books are made by every Mom .... each child is unique with her own set of gifted creative traits ..... if only we have the time and affinity to appreciate both!

My father keeps quoting a very learned scholar who said very often "Ku-Putra (unworthy son) exist for sure but mankind is yet to witness a Ku-Mata (unworthy mother)." I have deep respect for all mothers because nature has gifted each one of them with the divine qualities to create, nourish and preserve.

So, it would be very unfair to challenge any woman with regard to her motherly abilities based on the readings of this blog. It could be her lack of time and interest to write long passages rather than lack of interest in motherly duties.

Every woman has her own moments of weakness when lack of self-esteem and self-worth overtake her parental emotions. Each woman fondly recalls her carefree days when she cherished a better visible identity .... earning money and enjoying status. All women will have some amount of pent up anger by the evening having weathered countless nights without sleep while being nagged relentlessly through the entire day!

I remember July 2005 when K~ was just a year old and no longer could I cope with a domesticated life. In a desperate attempt to win back my lost identity, I joined an ITC hotel and resumed work. I would throw a tearful K~ every morning into the arms of a bundelkhandi maid and dart off to work on my scooter. K~ would keep missing me every moment. My maid would call me up every day at office with K~ wanting to hear my voice. K~ could not even speak then! She would whine and cry clutching on to the receiver saying "Maa Maa, Maa Maa ......" and I would choke with tears yet wanting to live an independent life which gave me enough motivation to continue working for a year before I realised I was hurting myself by not taking good care of my girl. The recognition I wanted to earn came at a very heavy price .... loss of my involvement in the formative years of my baby. K~ started communicating in pure bundelkhandi language for that was the language of her maid ..... she would talk aloud to me in her tone - "Mumma, itain aao .... utain na jaao!" K~ stopped eating well .... looked pale and I then decided to call it quits to my job! And today, I am happy I made that decision. I might have been emotionally foolish to get so much affected by the happenings, but K~ deserved my love and care in entirety!

Then, I remember when K~ was hardly two months old, I cursed her very often .... and I meant every word when I said "K~, I really wish you were not born. I would have been spared of the last 60 sleepless nights, physical pain and lack of time and will to be with your dad" ..... and the list of bad things would go on! I realised I had not matured as a person myself before K~ was born.

I thank my friends for closely reading this blog requesting them not to glorify my role as a mother for I am as ordinary yet special just like any and many mothers you have known and cherished this lifetime!