खुस-फुस...the silent art of playing by oneself

'Tiny' plays by herself, for herself and to herself. 

We call it 'खुस-फुस' (read as 'khus-phus' in Hindi) that literally means 'whispering'. More common glossary for 'khus-phus' include pretend-playing, self-playing, imaginative-playing, make-believe playing...

A 'खुस-फुस' session in progress

That's when the inanimate objects like lotion and shampoo bottles, oils, creams, remotes, combs and perfume bottles come alive and reside inside a laundry basket, supposedly their home. These 'alive' characters with special names like raspooli, racist (she picks up all the weird terms from newsroom debates) and rebecca who get involved in a series of interesting plots marked with friendship, adventure, discovery, at times even jealousy, revenge and patch-up.

Typically a khus-phus session lasts for twenty minutes or so, and even up to an hour if I'm lucky!

Yes, you read that right - lucky! Why?
A welcome breather for old and new mothers 🐤🐤..🐤..🐤..🐤..🐤

Your kid/s don't follow you like ducklings in a row.
You also don't have to go looking around for them during those quiet moments that are actually the lull before storms. Worrying that your girl might have emptied out the entire flour bin on the kitchen floor and rolling over it. Or, she might be making tea with the water taken from the toilet pot. All this and more, when you are not watching her or being watched by her.
For once, you get this deeply satisfying warm feeling crawling all over you, right up to the heart. Your discover the new words your girl has picked up and the growing maturity in her emotions.

💫 The worried mom from early days  💫
Until recently, I did not consider myself so lucky!
K~, Tiny's elder sister also indulged in a lot of 'khus-phus'-ing sessions. I grew suspicious of these solitary plays since she was growing up and wrote to Dr. Jerome L. Singer and Dr. Dorothy G. Singer, professor and research scientists at Yale University to find if K~ was doing okay.

(Yes, I agree. I may have behaved like a desperate mother.)

This is what I had written -

"Dear Dr. Dorothy S and Dr. Jerome S,

Till what age is it normal for a child to indulge in pretend plays? And, what is a normal frequency of such plays in a given day?
My nine and a half year old daughter is completely normal - has friends, does well at studies and sports events, plays an elder sister to her 9 month old baby sister. However, she is not very inclined to being overtly social by making new friends easily or greeting visitors. Her verbal and written communication skills are satisfactory. We are a family of four - Dad, Mom and two daughters.
I have begun feeling a little intrigued with her indulgence in pretend plays during which she wants to be left alone. Mostly, they are role-plays where shampoo, lotion bottles etc. are treated as various characters (esp. the TV program characters she watches) and she gives voice-overs to them.

Regards
The Worried Mom"

Dr. Dorothy S was kind enough to respond within minutes -

"Hello. Sounds like you have a normal child, and her play is imaginative, and as long as she is doing well at school, and presenting no behavior problems, allow her to continue to use her pretend play. I would try to invite a friend over so that she can learn to share her play with another child her age. This would be helpful to her. Playing with her very young sibling offers her comfort and no threat, but she needs to be able to play with her peers as well. Best, Dr. Singer."

With those comforting words from a well-regarded researcher in the field of child psychology coupled with a chiding from my own father for being cynical, I put my doubts to rest and decided to go with the flow. I also got her bestie to join her occasionally.

I guess, I did the right thing.

Research says that imaginative play is a vital component to normal child development
Says Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, author, researcher, speaker in Psychological Sciences from Yale University, while pointing out in one of his thoroughly researched articles on Psychology Today here, 

"...physical play is not the only kind of play. We often use the terms pretend play or make-believe play (the acting out of stories which involve multiple perspectives and the playful manipulation of ideas and emotions), that reflect a critical feature of the child’s cognitive and social development. Over the last seventy-five years a number of theorists and researchers have identified the values of such imaginative play as a vital component to the normal development of a child." 

The article draws upon the learning from multiple sources of information provided by well-regarded experts in the fields.

So, I now let the solitary games continue...

And just so you know, this blog post was written when 'Tiny' was khus-phus-ing!