खुस-फुस...the silent art of playing by oneself

'Tiny' plays by herself, for herself and to herself. 

We call it 'खुस-फुस' (read as 'khus-phus' in Hindi) that literally means 'whispering'. More common glossary for 'khus-phus' include pretend-playing, self-playing, imaginative-playing, make-believe playing...

A 'खुस-फुस' session in progress

That's when the inanimate objects like lotion and shampoo bottles, oils, creams, remotes, combs and perfume bottles come alive and reside inside a laundry basket, supposedly their home. These 'alive' characters with special names like raspooli, racist (she picks up all the weird terms from newsroom debates) and rebecca who get involved in a series of interesting plots marked with friendship, adventure, discovery, at times even jealousy, revenge and patch-up.

Typically a khus-phus session lasts for twenty minutes or so, and even up to an hour if I'm lucky!

Yes, you read that right - lucky! Why?
A welcome breather for old and new mothers 🐤🐤..🐤..🐤..🐤..🐤

Your kid/s don't follow you like ducklings in a row.
You also don't have to go looking around for them during those quiet moments that are actually the lull before storms. Worrying that your girl might have emptied out the entire flour bin on the kitchen floor and rolling over it. Or, she might be making tea with the water taken from the toilet pot. All this and more, when you are not watching her or being watched by her.
For once, you get this deeply satisfying warm feeling crawling all over you, right up to the heart. Your discover the new words your girl has picked up and the growing maturity in her emotions.

💫 The worried mom from early days  💫
Until recently, I did not consider myself so lucky!
K~, Tiny's elder sister also indulged in a lot of 'khus-phus'-ing sessions. I grew suspicious of these solitary plays since she was growing up and wrote to Dr. Jerome L. Singer and Dr. Dorothy G. Singer, professor and research scientists at Yale University to find if K~ was doing okay.

(Yes, I agree. I may have behaved like a desperate mother.)

This is what I had written -

"Dear Dr. Dorothy S and Dr. Jerome S,

Till what age is it normal for a child to indulge in pretend plays? And, what is a normal frequency of such plays in a given day?
My nine and a half year old daughter is completely normal - has friends, does well at studies and sports events, plays an elder sister to her 9 month old baby sister. However, she is not very inclined to being overtly social by making new friends easily or greeting visitors. Her verbal and written communication skills are satisfactory. We are a family of four - Dad, Mom and two daughters.
I have begun feeling a little intrigued with her indulgence in pretend plays during which she wants to be left alone. Mostly, they are role-plays where shampoo, lotion bottles etc. are treated as various characters (esp. the TV program characters she watches) and she gives voice-overs to them.

Regards
The Worried Mom"

Dr. Dorothy S was kind enough to respond within minutes -

"Hello. Sounds like you have a normal child, and her play is imaginative, and as long as she is doing well at school, and presenting no behavior problems, allow her to continue to use her pretend play. I would try to invite a friend over so that she can learn to share her play with another child her age. This would be helpful to her. Playing with her very young sibling offers her comfort and no threat, but she needs to be able to play with her peers as well. Best, Dr. Singer."

With those comforting words from a well-regarded researcher in the field of child psychology coupled with a chiding from my own father for being cynical, I put my doubts to rest and decided to go with the flow. I also got her bestie to join her occasionally.

I guess, I did the right thing.

Research says that imaginative play is a vital component to normal child development
Says Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, author, researcher, speaker in Psychological Sciences from Yale University, while pointing out in one of his thoroughly researched articles on Psychology Today here, 

"...physical play is not the only kind of play. We often use the terms pretend play or make-believe play (the acting out of stories which involve multiple perspectives and the playful manipulation of ideas and emotions), that reflect a critical feature of the child’s cognitive and social development. Over the last seventy-five years a number of theorists and researchers have identified the values of such imaginative play as a vital component to the normal development of a child." 

The article draws upon the learning from multiple sources of information provided by well-regarded experts in the fields.

So, I now let the solitary games continue...

And just so you know, this blog post was written when 'Tiny' was khus-phus-ing!

My Debut Book

Announcing the birth of my third baby -

Her Master Key - A Hotel Housekeeper's Stories from Inn-dia

I am falling short of words to describe the joy and excitement. The gestation was long but worth this blue beauty!

Ever so grateful to Subroto Bagchi​, Tuhin A. Sinha​ for being my mentors, Vinita Nangia​ for nudging out the closet writer in me with her revolutionary writing platform TOI Books​ #TOIWriteIndia, Ranveer Brar​ for encouraging my first steps in publishing, Shruthi Rao​, for bringing my raw manuscript to life through the first round of copy editing, Rudra Sharma​, my commissioning editor at Rupa Publications​...the list could go on!

In all humility, I present my first book that can be pre-ordered in India at:
India order: Her Master Key

Can also be ordered in US/Europe at:
US/Europe order: Her Master Key

Down the memory lane...my Alma Mater!

This morning, I woke up to some heartwarming Whatsapp pictures of a mini reunion of two close OCLD batch mates. They had met after twenty years!

Needless to say, the group messages were flooded with fond reminiscences and a promise for a larger reunion to be attended by all batch mates. The vicious social media has a few virtues too - like holding together individuals scattered across the globe - Scandinavian region, US, Europe and of course, India!

Sharing a few pictures through this blog post -

OCLD - The Oberoi Centre of Learning & Development

The Gurukul - an epitome of learning! 

It imparts some of the finest values in service - what it takes to become a blue-blooded hotelier in one's body, mind and soul. I owe most of my life skills and work skills to this school. The faculty is a vibrant set of hoteliers seasoned through long and tough years of service. Not surprising that the management training programmes at OCLD are considered among the best in Asia. The hands-on curriculum has been setting high global benchmarks for the hotel industry since 1966.

Shri Rai Bahadur Mohan Singh Oberoi

Pioneer in Luxury Services 

A Great Visionary 

The Guru - a guiding light!

He is the Founder and Former Chairman of Oberoi Hotels & Resorts, a legacy built from the scratch, consisting of not just large chains of hotels, but also luxury cruisers across other countries and allied businesses like airline catering, management of restaurants and airport bars, travel and tour services, car rental, project management and corporate air charters.

He literally rose from the ashes of difficulties and hardships. 

Dare to Dream: The Life of M.S. Oberoi (written by Bachi J. Karkaria) is a must read book for all - aspiring hoteliers, present hoteliers, ex-hoteliers, hotel guests and anyone who concurs with Rai Bahadur's firm belief - 

'NO TASK IS TOO LOWLY. NO AMBITION TOO HIGH!' 

The Learning Grounds - Library, Labs and Classrooms

I wouldn't lie! The learning years were not easy. It brought out the worst fears and tears in me. The endless assignments along with full-fledged work reporting schedules were no less than commando training modules. It was here, I learnt my biggest lessons in handling both work-life aspects, the professional submission and a personal freedom. The lessons are here to stay with me for life. 

But twenty years later, I can only feel grateful for those hardships. 

As Rumi says - 

“IF YOU ARE IRRITATED BY EVERY RUB, HOW WILL YOUR MIRROR BE POLISHED?”

(Picture Courtesy: Ms. Vanessa Pinto, ex-batch mate at OCLD & Ms. Meenakshi Srivastava, ex-batchmate, also AVP Training at OCLD)

From the poetry archives: 'माँ'

इसी गगन के किसी फलक से झांकती तो हो,
पर नज़र क्यों नहीं आती कभी?

पूरा संसार है आज मेरा कहने को,
पर हर सांस कुछ अधूरी-सी है कहीं.

याद करती हूँ तुम्हें तो भर आती है आँखें,
मद्धम मद्धम गत हो जाती ये नसें.

चेहरे तो कई आये इस दिल को संभालने,
पर न पाया उनमें तुम्हें कभी भी.

गौर किया तो हर रिश्ता निकला सौदे का,
लेन-देन से न उबर पाए हम अब भी.

चाहे उम्मीदों का हो सौदा, हो सौदा प्यार का,
भूल रही हूँ खुद को, इन सब में अब कहीं.

ढूंढती हूँ तुम्हें हर तरफ, हर शक्ल में,
थक गयी दुनियादारी निभाने में.

इच्छा है एक बार फिर तुझ ही से जन जाऊं,
फिर चाहे माँ! तेरी गोद में सदा के लिए सो जाऊं.

From the poetry archives: 'You are a rose...'

You are a rose, a beautiful rose!

Gifted to me by someone loved.

I press you hard in the pages of this book.

A book that stands on a rickety bookshelf.

Among many others-

I read them all!

Inspiring Wisdom and Knowledge;
I lost you somewhere in the clutter,
But, you still smell the same -
Reflections of Truth and Courage,
Preaching happiness and success,
Guiding through wit and calculation.
Oh! The rankness of a scholar - 
Sought by one and all!

Until today, I discovered you yet again.
You were the rose, the same beautiful rose!
Gifted to me once, by someone loved.
Pressed hard in the pages of this book.
A book that stood on a rickety bookshelf.

For long, long enough to lose your color and shine.

Your redolence reminds me again,
Of my true identity and existence.
What wasted years,
Ah! the brevity of life.
I hold on to you tight this time,
Never ever to let you go again!

K~ and 'tiny'

K~ with her little sister 'tiny', 2013

K~ has a little sister who is nearly a decade younger, a 'tiny' one indeed. Unluckily for 'tiny', she shall stay tiny for the rest of her life. Luckily for K~, she will always get to play the wiser one.

K~ is the perfect role model for 'tiny' who is in complete awe of everything, both good and bad about her elder sister - the style of walking, the talking, the sleeping posture, badminton, poetry, bathroom singing, miniature modeling, leaving behind an untidy room every morning...so yes, basically everything! This is not to cover up those occasional big fights though.

Recently, we asked K~ about what she really thinks about 'tiny'. And this is how she described her -

'Tiny' - the sleeping angel
K~ finds 'tiny' quite tempting when she is asleep. It is hard for her to resist squeezing those plump cheeks and tidying that ruffled hair and pulling away the thumb being sucked in her mouth and tickle her soft toes and open her eyelids forcibly and...

'Tiny' - the walking devil 
Well. It's a different matter when 'tiny' is awake. K~ runs mad after her missing homework copies ravaged with senseless scribbles done by 'tiny' and hides in the bathroom while talking to her friends over the phone. Not to mention the unrewarding task of tutoring and babysitting the thankless little brute. 'Tiny' stalks K~'s friends during the play dates who often have to retreat into one corner of the house, lest they get inevitably sucked into playing with the devil.

And then, K~ has to accompany 'tiny' on tea cup rides at the amusement parks that amuse her no more.

The toughest part is acting 'correct' for the little one 24X7 since K~ is being watched all the time. So, no more cheat meals or lying in front of parents and always leaving behind a licked dinner plate. 

But as the mother, I am not complaining!

Words fail to describe the fulfillment I feel every night during that customary late night visit to their bedroom. Both are fast asleep, often wrapped tightly around each other. The lamp is left on with half-open bedtime stories thrown about carelessly. The eye glasses stick out precariously from their faces. The mosquito net (an unfailing sign of the bengali household) is left hanging on one side with the quilt weighing down on other sides.

As I switch off the lights, remove their glasses and tuck them in their bed, all I can feel is -

Thank God! This'Tiny' is indeed a 'huge' blessing.

It gets better with age...

My younger daughter suffers from allergic bronchitis, an early stage of respiratory malfunction that can lead to the dreaded Asthma.

And I'm having a conversation with the Pulmonologist:

The Optimistic Mother: Tell me Doctor, my daughter gets better with age, right?
Doctor: Oh, yes! It does get better with age.
TOM: So, she must feel better at 7-8 years?
Doctor: Well. That's too soon. But, the lungs will be better developed to cope with weather changes and allergens.
TOM: How about the time when she turns twelve or thirteen? She'll be better then?
Doctor: Hmm...that's around puberty. So, there can be an allergic response to the fluctuating levels of new hormones in her body. That includes allergic bronchitis as well.

But, it gets better with age. 

TOM: Oh! I see. It must be the twenties then, right?
Doctor: Let's see. The twenties-thirties in a female offer multiple challenges - continued hormone fluctuations, possible miscarriages, pregnancy, postpartum phase...that may only worsen the case.
TOM: So, is it the forties-fifties then?
Doctor: That's the time when menopause hits, no? Again, the falling levels in hormones coupled with a mid-aged body system might find it hard to cope with allergic reactions in the body.

(after a pause) But, it gets better with age. 

T(not so)OM: So, does the recovery happen around sixties or later?
Doctor: But, as we grow old, we experience a natural decrease in lung function. And the reduced immunity in the body finds it difficult to stop the respiratory viruses such as colds or the flu from attacking it. This can actually worsen the problem.

(pause again) But, it gets better with age, you see...

To edit, or not to edit, that is the question:

I face a big dilemma - should the previous posts of this blog be edited or left untouched.

Why edit?

That's because more people (other than my close circle of family and friends) may wish to unearth the blog.

Why fantasize about more people reading your blog?

Well. That's because my debut book will soon be released by Rupa Publications.

So what?

The readers and critics might want to understand where I (the author) come from. And it is a natural expectation from all writers, big or small, old or new, that they have something more to share other than their book/s. Thus, this humble and sleepy little blog must be woken up to offer a glimpse into my past writings, should anyone bother to find out.

Okay. Got it. But, where's the dilemma?

What will they think? Will I not be found out through these cooing and gurgling baby posts? Most of these posts date back to the years 2009-11. These were my first feeble steps in the craft of writing. An editor's nightmare. Not that I claim to be any more accomplished as an author now, but hey! I can still do better than 2009 in 2017, no?

But then, here's what I still choose to do - no post-publish editing.

Why not edit?

That's because this blog is a journey, my journey. It would be unfair to try and change the itinerary once the actual travel has been completed this far. Although there's a lot more left.

Any attempt to hide the flaws and shortcomings of my early writings would reek of pretense:

• to hide my non-literary background (I'll always be a hotelier first) 
• to hide my struggles at writing stories
• to dress up my vulnerabilities in an imagined poise
• to understate the emotional mess I had made of my life back then 
• to belittle the first few readers of this blog (who appreciated my writings and made it look possible for me to write longer stories)
• to undermine the courage to bare my soul without the fear of getting judged  

Please make no mistake. This is not to underestimate the value of good story-editing and copy-editing that breathe life into roughly written manuscripts. I willingly submitted myself into the hands of the commissioning editors and copy editors in the process of creating my debut book.

But, not this one, eh!

Let me celebrate the flaws in my early writings along with my debut book readers. The blog is just too special.

Times of India - Write India Contest Win!

So, yeah!

Here was a confidence booster for shy writers like me...

At Food & Hospitality World, a fortnightly business publication of The Express Group (2005-06)

Housekeepers - Climbing The Ladders Of General Management

www.expresshospitality.com/20050509/avenues01.shtml

Hotels Must Train To Gain

www.expresshospitality.com/20050228/management02.shtml

Well Planned Duty Rosters - Key To Staff Satisfaction

www.expresshospitality.com/20050131/management01.shtml

Losing and finding myself...

NOVEMBER 2016

Today, I lost and found myself while exploring the streets of childhood!

It was a trance-like state, as I walked inside the house where I was born. The backyard. The old garage. The dried-up well. Those crumbling walls.

The present occupants were kind enough to allow an insane-looking stranger, without any business, to enter their premises.

A medley of sounds reverberated throughout- my late mother singing, friends laughing, the cooker whistling, birds chirping, buses plying and my pet dog barking. I climbed up the guava tree one more time. I opened and shut the main gate, over and over again, to hear the joyful clanging of my parents returning from work.

It was a pilgrimage. My salmon run.

Yes! I am back where I was born. For good.

Mother's Day Tribute

14 May 2017

I salute my mother who remained the 'strongest' - even in death. Thank you Dainik Bhaskar DB Post for sharing my special tribute to Maa!

Those Nine Days

(during the navratris of April 2017)

I stepped out to buy some eggs today.

The first corner shop was shut and the second one was also closed. The third shop was open but had stopped selling eggs a week ago. The fourth shop which was further away had displayed their last remaining crate of dirty eggs outside the premises. The owner asserted that he would not touch the eggs as he handed me a cheap plastic bag to count and store the eggs myself. Never mind the profit from selling those dirty eggs that he was ready to lap up! I left silently and drove for at least another kilometer before I could buy the simple grocery item.

Chaitra Navratri - When the Hindu Goddess ‘Shakti’ is worshiped and offered prayers during the nine days. When people fast and abstain from eating non-vegetarian food and worship one of the nine forms of the goddess on each of the nine days. Little girls are offered tasty treats of halwa-poori-chana and fussed over by bhakts who wash their feet, decorate their bodies with ornaments and new dresses and gift them bangles and bindis. Girls are regarded as the timeless manifestation of the Goddess Shakti. During those nine days.

This holy period of fasting has more of a special prominence in the Northern and Central India than the other parts of the country.

Anyhow, I served a bowl of boiled egg salad to my husband, who has been following a strict diet plan for the last three months. His daily diet plan is uploaded on his phone app by one of the leading health programs in the country.

Afterwards, my day at work began as usual.

Until my eyes fell on this recent piece of news while surfing some websites for Indian demographics -  19 aborted female foetuses found in Maharashtra's Sangli. A few more related news items appeared that gave out a stench of some dark statistics. These headlines were - ‘Female foeticide, India's 'ticking bomb' from Al-Jazeera; ‘Female foeticide continues to dog Indians in the diaspora!’ from Indian Express.

As if it was not enough, stark articles of female infanticide cropped up alongside - ‘India loses 3 million girls in infanticide - The Hindu’. As per UNICEF, the decline in child sex ratio in India is evident by comparing the census figures. In 1991, the figure was 947 girls to 1000 boys. Ten years later it had fallen to 927 girls for 1000 boys.   Since 1991, 80% of districts in India have recorded a declining sex ratio. A deep-seated cultural preference for boys is skewing India's sex ratio and making slaves of women.

And, guess what?

The States with the worst child sex ratio topped up with crime statistics of female foeticide and infanticide also belonged to the Northern and Central India - Haryana, Punjab, Rajasthan, Uttar Pradesh, Maharashtra and Madhya Pradesh. (Daily News and Analysis)

I was left baffled!

Is it by sheer chance or a random observation? But, how can we, the masses that submit ourselves to the holy service of the supreme Goddess Shakti, also KILL her? After all, we worship little girls for nine days, don’t we? Is it possible for a family to sing glories of the Holy Mother and light a lamp at dawn before visiting an ultrasound centre for sex determination at dusk? Or go for an illegal abortion the next morning? Wait! We might be abstaining ourselves from such activities during those nine days. Just like we abstain from eating non-vegetarian food on those nine days.

Those. Nine. Days.   

We need to reflect. This is not about mocking particular parts of our nation or a religious ritual. Nor is it about teasing vegetarians. It is about attacking the hypocrisy that has assumed mammoth proportions. And it isn’t doing any of us a favour.

Let’s believe in the powerful form of Goddess with all humility - not necessarily confined to those nine days but throughout the year... and during our entire lives.

Can we do this? Please.

After the term-break...

I hated the endless knocks on my office door,
and yelled at you, till you could stay no more.

The playing cards, ludo and chess all gone,
for good, I know, this is the new dawn.

I feast on my time off that doll and picture book.
Yay! Your school term-break is off the hook.

Until my eyes fall on the table beside me,
that remind me of yesterday's milk and tea.

I look the other way, trying hard to forget,
stealing a glance at the clock of the handset.

Two more hours of freedom, I whisper,
before you enter home and bring a twister.

Focus on work, there's so much to do,
trying to make the most of the time without you.

But, do I wait for your return of some kind?
What's wrong with me? Have I lost my mind?

Come back, my baby, come to your Mamma,
to eat, wash, play and finish our daily drama.

An impromptu Ode to Kashmir

(During my visit to Kashmir in March 2012)

श्वेत धवल दिव्य शैल,
श्वेत धवल हिमज शैल,

गगन निकट, किरण प्रतीत,
वायु भीषण, प्रचंड शीत,

जन-जंतु वन विहंग,
अदृश्य सर्व सृष्टि भंग,

ब्रह्मा, केशव, चंद्रचूड़,
देवी शक्ति रहस्य गूढ़,

चतुर्दिश ध्वनिराहित प्रबुद्ध,
ह्रदय स्पंदित किन्तु निस्तब्ध,

सरिता भूमि अति परिष्कार,
सुमन-सौरभ नाना-प्रकार,

श्रुति, कृति संग ॐ-नाद,
मन-मानस अद्भुत उन्माद,

प्रकृति छवि अति सुप्रिय,
नमामि नमामि हरिप्रिय I